Hire Jim Essian

NEW YORK--The Hall of Fame ballots have been counted, and first-year candidates Cal Ripken, Jr. and Tony Gwynn were inducted into baseball's most prestigious club. Left out of the Hall was first-year candidate Mark McGwire, who socked 583 home runs during his career. McGwire's chances were hurt by his rumored connection to performance-enhancing drugs and by the fact that he ... Read More

NEW YORK--On Sunday, the Arizona Diamondbacks and Randy Johnson agreed to a two-year, $26 million dollar contract, making it likely that the Big Unit will end his career as a snake. Diamondbacks general manager Josh Byrnes was thrilled to have the Big Unit back in the Diamondbacks' folds. "When you get a guy whose name carries the kind of girth ... Read More

SAN FRANCISCO--While the other Barry in San Francisco is having a rough go of it, Barry Zito is having a most excellent day. The San Francisco Giants and Zito have reached a preliminary agreement on a bodacious, seven-year, $126 million contract. Eighteen million dollars a year?! Excellent! I'm a flyball pitcher with an outfield with the average age ... Read More

DENVER--Imagine a world where Tony Gwynn, Cal Ripken, and Dante Bichette are in the same Hall of Fame class. Can't imagine it? Okay. Pull back a little bit and imagine a world where Dante Bichette is in the Hall of Fame. Still tough? Pull back a little bit more and imagine Dante Bichette getting a ... Read More

What is going on in the world of baseball?� Ken Griffey Jr. broke his hand in an undisclosed accident at home.� Meanwhile, Dontrelle Willis was arrested for drunk driving.� Could these incidents both be anger stemming from the fact that Griffey's value is now equivalent to Gary Matthews, Jr. and that Willis is actually worth less than Jason Marquis? The answer, ... Read More

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Robert Fick, who achieved notoriety during the 2003 NLDS when he maliciously slapped at the wrist of Cubs first baseman Eric Karros, has agreed to a minor league contract with the Washington Nationals. The deal came after Fick was told by the Minotaur that the seventh circle of hell was "all full up." Violent offender. Probable sodomite. Fick had ... Read More

CHICAGO--Chicago resident David Dright allegedly took tax documents earlier this year from the offices of SFX Baseball, which negotiates contracts for professional baseball players, making off with the tax information of 91 Major League Baseball players and stealing their identities. One of Dright's victims was former Cubs center fielder and current Los Angeles Dodger Juan Pierre. Soon after stealing Pierre's ... Read More

BOSTON--The Red Sox may back out of their deal with outfielder J.D. Drew after expressing concerns about shoulder problems revealed in his physical. I wonder if Hendry might show some interest in picking up the left-handed slugger. The guys at Goatriders seem like they could get behind that idea. ... Read More

The New York Post is reporting that ESPN is close to a deal which would bring Dusty Baker to Baseball Tonight to replace the fired Harold Reynolds. Baker projects to be the first baseball analyst to wear wristbands and chew toothpicks in the studio. In order to make Baker feel welcome, the following changes will be instituted to ... Read More

ATLANTA--Second baseman Marcus Giles was not tendered a contract by the Atlanta Braves before Tuesday's midnight deadline, making him a free agent. Atlanta showed Giles the door after being unable to find a team interested in trading for him. On his way out of Braves' G.M. John Schuerholz's office after receiving the news, Giles collided with Cubs starting pitcher Mark ... Read More