Hire Jim Essian

So, some information has been brought to me that is far too hilarious to keep to myself. Let's get the standard disclaimers out of the way. THIS IS PROBABLY NOT TRUE. THIS IS BROUGHT TO ME THROUGH FRIENDS OF FRIENDS WHO KNOW PEOPLE THAT ARE IN THE ORGANIZATION. I will also point out in advance to Ryan Braun's crack legal team that truth is an ironclad defense against any allegations of libel. And, let's be honest, asking me to take this post down basically proves its truth. It's like when nude photos of a starlet get leaked and they freak out about trying to get them taken down. You're just calling MORE attention to your fantastic ass, Blake Lively.

I sure hope you enjoyed the two full days that you were able to celebrate Ron Santo's begrudging acceptance into the National Baseball Hall of Fame. As of today, it means absolutely nothing. The Baseball Writers' Association of America just awarded Tim McCarver the Ford C. Frick Award for EXCELLENCE IN MAJOR LEAGUE BROADCASTING. That's as ludicrous as Ron Santo getting inducting into the Hall of Fame for excellence in Major League broadcasting.

All you need to know about the MLB's new collective bargaining agreement is here. Finally, the constant interleague games that baseball fans everywhere DEMANDED will be reality. Finally, the Cubs won't be in the biggest division in baseball. Finally, Bud Selig avoided the pesky nuisance of having to occasionally host a thrilling Game 163. But that's all bookkeeping. All you need to know EMOTIONALLY is HERE. I'm pointing at your heart right now. Because the departure of the Houston Astros from the National League Central is the end of some good times. Ten of them, exactly. And here they are.

Sportswriters everywhere have their wet dream story of the day, as Tony "The Genius" La Russa has retired from baseball. (HT: Ned Ryerson) You're bound to see a lot of flowery language about the legacy that La Russa gave to the game. A written love-fest to one of the biggest assholes in the game of baseball. ... Read More

The World Series is finally upon us. There are only 4-7 baseball games left in the 2011 season before you have to accept the reality that is the Chicago Bears. Tonight, Chris Carpenter will take the hill for the St. Louis Cardinals against C.J. Wilson. I'd like to take a moment to send my sincerest wishes for ... Read More

I had the good fortune to see Moneyball last night. While I thoroughly enjoyed not only Brad Pitt's performance as Billy Beane, but also Steven Zaillian, Aaron Sorkin, and Stan Chervin's adaptation of a non-fiction book into a full-fledged story, I was depressed throughout the whole movie. The four baseball fans in Oakland are spoiled to have a ... Read More

Throughout the course of his 22 seasons as manager of the Chicago White Sox, Ozzie Guillen was a lot of things to a lot of people. Pariah. Messiah. Leader. Follower. Goat. Venezuelan. Understandable. Misunderstood. Controversial. Christ-like. Winner. Loser. Friend. Roman. Countryman. Healer. Not-stop-believer. ... Read More

The summer of 2011 feels like one that will be filled with arguments over which Chicago baseball team is slightly less bad. (HINT: It's the White Sox.) Say what you will about the Cubs, but at least they have the decency to take their beatings with dignity and respect. I mean, just look how classy they were ... Read More

If there's one good thing about the 2011 Cubs season, it's that The Attendance Game has been a lot more interesting. Gone are the days when Pat and Ron could just guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 40,000 people at Wrigley and be within 2,000 fans. Especially not when the Cubs are playing against boring, bad NL Central ... Read More

So, I read. Sometimes. And if I ever read something interesting and/or relevant enough to distract you from watching Cubs baseball, I promise I'll pass that information along to you. I recently stumbled across The Baseball Codes, a book by Jason Turbow and Michael Duca that came out in 2010. Though the premise of writing down ... Read More