Hire Jim Essian

I'm pretty sure that this team will do whatever possible they can to make me miserable. When I want us to win, we lose. When I give up on the season and start rooting for the Pirates to win the whole thing, we get swept by the Brewers and then beat up on the Pirates. Your tips are as ... Read More

Well, the trading has begun. All of you Tyler Colvin lovers will finally have your day in the Wrigley Field sun. Enjoy it, idiots. More importantly, HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE SPORADIC FRIDAY NIGHT FUKUDOME?! Oh, well. Who will be the next to go in the upcoming winds of change? Your tips are ... Read More

As awful as we've been this year, somehow the Astros are significantly worse. And that's hilarious, because Houston sucks and no one should live there. Or, if you're from Houston, I LOVE that town! And everything is totally okay with our team, and I just flat-out love life! Your tips are as appreciated as the sugar-coating ... Read More

Well, that was a nice little All-Star break, no? Go, National League! Did you guys see me on the bench? I'm not going to say the Arizona sun was entirely kind to my head, but at the same time it wasn't entirely UNkind. Your tips are nearly as appreciated as a bottle of sunscreen and a ... Read More

Does anyone honestly believe that Albert Pujols isn't using SOMETHING? The behemoth came back from a BROKEN ARM to play Major League Baseball a MONTH ahead of schedule. I once took two months off baseball on account of baldness. But by all means, Bud. When your head isn't up your heiny, please continue shoving it in ... Read More

Well, that was exciting. As bad as this team can be, this is why I still show up and watch the games. That, and for the paycheck. Mostly for the paycheck, I guess. Quade's gotta eat! We've got the White Sox again this weekend. And the reason YOU show up to watch these games ... Read More

Yo, Washington! I hear you need a new manager. (HT: Martin) So, your old one was such a dope that he got your team back to .500 baseball with a nice little run, then had no idea what to do with himself, panicked, and made the worst bluff in managerial history. Jim Riggleman is the guy ... Read More

I hate the Yankees, I hate that they're in town, I hate that anyone cares that they're in town, and I hate that the media is going to talk about us more because the Yankees are in town. Okay? Is that enough of a sound bite for you? You want me to read it out loud? ... Read More

The Cardinals are in town, which will, of course, cause all of the city's journalists to write stories about how we should steal all of the Slugger's batting tokens out of Todd Rickett's piggy bank (and those crammed up his nose) to sign Albert Pujols next year. Never mind that Pujols' "slow start" is starting to look more like ... Read More

First of all, if you want a link to the brilliant comic or loads more hilarious ones, TOO BAD. Nah, just kidding. It's here. SMBC does loads of good work, and there's new content every day. I don't know how he does it, but he does. And you get to reap the benefits. For those of ... Read More