I take no side in this negotiation-gone-bad. But, DirecTV’s “bug” of not carrying WGN might be more of a feature. Let me propose this ad to fit into DirecTV’s “Get Rid of Cable” campaign:

If you have cable, you could watch WGN-TV.

When you can watch WGN-TV, you watch the home opener.

When you watch the home opener, you watch Ryan Dempster pitch in the home opener.

When you watch Ryan Dempster pitch in the home opener, you start having homicidal thoughts.

When you start having homicidal thoughts, you say them out loud.

When you say homicidal thoughts out loud, your co-workers avoid you.

When your co-workers avoid you, you wind up getting fired.

When you wind up getting fired, you do what the other 15 percent who aren’t working do.

When you do what the other 15 percent do, you go to Wrigley Field and sit in the left field bleachers.

When you sit in the left field bleachers, you meet Al Yellon.

When you meet Al Yellon, you decide to become a White Sox fan.

When you decide to become a White Sox fan, you watch the White Sox on TV.

When you watch the White Sox on TV at home, you have to listen to Hawk Harrelson and Steve Stone.

When you have to listen to Hawk Harrelson and Steve Stone, you decide you need to watch White Sox games at a bar with other White Sox fans so you do not have to listen to Hawk Harrelson and Steve Stone.

When you watch White Sox games at a bar with other White Sox fans, you become friends with White Sox fans from Alsip.

When you become friends with White Sox fans from Alsip, you learn how to use and cook cystal methamphetamine.

When you learn how to use and cook crystal methamphetamine, you become a meth head.

Don’t become a meth head. Get rid of Cable and upgrade to DirecTV.

Call 1-800-DirecTV today.

Brenly has made no secret of his desire to manage again, but you have to wonder if the Milwaukee Brewers’ managers’ position is really the dream job Brenly wants.  It says here that Brenly might be inclined to hold out for one of four jobs, once any of these guys retire or are fired.

However, Brenly is the only one of the three candidates to, you know, not be best-known for managing a talented team that collapsed down the stretch, so what if Milwaukee throws a lot of money his way?  We all have our price, I’m sure.

If Brenly takes the job, it would be unfortunate for those of us who enjoy hearing him call a game with Len Kasper.  It’s not too early to ask the question: Next to whom will Len Kasper sit?

Some names have already been floated, but many of these names were suggested by the most clueless smug man working in media today, Steve Rosenbloom.

1. Rick Sutcliffe. Pros: The 1984 Cubs ace has plenty of experience calling baseball games for ESPN. Cons: Here he is at his most coherent.
2. Mark Grace and his carton of Winstons. Pros: If he could endure Thom Brennaman for several seasons, he could put up with lean seasons if the Cubs ever return to familiar form. Cons: Sam Zell is busy enough keeping Tribune afloat without having to pay FCC fines WGN would accrue.
3. Dan Plesac. Pros: No evidence exists that he’s immune to laryngitis. Cons: Creepiness of Metra conductors to increase each time he dons the conductor’s cap.
4. Todd Hollandsworth. Pros: Shinguard not required to be a color commentator. Cons: Last permed color analyst for the Cubs is now analyzing the visibility on the South Side.
5. Ron Santo. Pros: Can easily slide over to TV and cover Cubs games. Cons: Cubs will be unable to further haze Cory Provus with Santo on the TV call.
6. Doug Glanville. Pros: Very quotable as a player, the Penn graduate will put Ivy League education to use. Cons: He’s a systems engineering major from Penn. Shouldn’t he be engineering systems, not critiquing Alfonso Soriano’s left field play? Also, the other Penn graduate associated with the Cubs botched a sure double play ball, and swung at a bad pitch to ground into an inning-ending bases-loaded double play in each of the Cubs’ last two playoff appearances.
7. Eric Karros. Pros: Very likable as a member of 2003 Cubs. Cons: He’s really a Dodger, and his presence will only remind us of the playoffs that didn’t happen.
8. Keith Moreland. Pros: Former Cub is currently a color analyst for University of Texas football and baseball games. Could give up UT baseball duties, continue Longhorn football games, and spend the summers in Wrigley Field again. Also, would be on hand in case someone with a last request similar to Steve Goodman’s dies. Cons: He’s from Texas.
9. Gary Matthews. Pros: Currently announcing in Philadelphia, alongside Harry Kalas. Former fan favorite would feel at home in Chicago. Cons: Worked for Dusty Baker in Chicago.
10. Mike Bielecki.  Pros: Former FSN Chicago studio analyst was insightful and funny. Once had Mitch Robinson speechless with this quip following a Cubs loss in Pittsburgh: “Right now, the Cubs are flatter than my junior prom date.” Cons: He started Game 5 of the 1989 NLCS.
11. Dave Otto. Pros: Former Elk Grove prep standout had this job before, at least the FSN games, the two years Joe Carter assaulted our senses on WGN. Also is very tall and has a mustache even Bob Brenly would kill for. Cons: Can you really trust pitching analysis from a guy that Michael Jordan had his way with at one afternoon at Wrigley Field?
12. Darrin Jackson. Pros: He’s available, and couldn’t be nearly as awful as he was sitting next to Ken Harrelson, right? Cons: Do we really want to test that theory?
13. Dallas Green. Pros: The last time the Cubs employed him to exercise his baseball mind, it worked out well. Cons: Apparently, he hates the Cubs.

As you can see, none of the above would be able to hack it. Fortunately, the crack addicts investigative team at HJE has found just the guy. Former MLB catcher (like Brenly), great baseball mind, former manager, witty, analytical, brilliant. In short, the best baseball analyst is only a phone call away.

We know Jim Essian has enjoyed a successful career outside of baseball the last few years, but who else could replace Bob Brenly? What are the requirements to be in the broadcast booth with Len Kasper?

1. Connection to the 1991 Cubs? Check.
2. Managed against Lou Piniella with some success? Check.
3. Enjoyed playing career as a catcher in the Bay Area? Check.
4. Midwestern roots? Check.

As of this afternoon, Jim Essian has not denied his interest in the Cubs’ job. So now it’s your turn. As soon as Brenly decides he wants to spend a couple of lost summers managing the Brewers, get on the phone, call 773-404-2827 and demand that the Cubs name Jim Essian as Len Kasper’s sidekick. It would be historic. Never before have the Cubs had an Armenian announcer.

What do you think? It’s time.

Plenty of fans have declared themselves done with the Cubs, and I can’t blame them. Unfortunately for me, nothing related to the Cubs is rooted in logic.  Similar to religion, it’s faith in an abstract concept that keeps me in the fold. Not surprisingly, my religion embraces suffering — almost to the degree the Cubs seem to do.

If you can endure the Cubs, you can survive just about any other disappointment, sucker punch, string of bad luck or tragic event in your life.  Or so goes the theory.  Then again, not having endured the Cubs does not make you unable to handle life’s myriad disappointments.  If you must leave, I won’t begrudge you as you get on with your life.

As for those of you resigned to your lot as a Cubs fan: Want some good news?

It looks like there’s at least one high-profile defector.  Let’s hope his trip South signals a permanent change:

See! Woo! You! Woo! Ronnie! Woo! Don’t! Woo! Come! Woo! Back! Woo! And! Woo! Give! Woo! My! Woo! Ears! Woo! A! Woo! Rest! Woo!

In 1965, the Cubs traveled west and were victimized by Sandy Koufax’s perfect game.  That was the last time the Cubs were no-hit, and it capped a year so dismal that Phil Wrigley brought in Leo Durocher to manage the team.

In 1976, the Cubs played a game at Dodger Stadium, during which a couple people went into the outfield with an American flag, lighter fluid and matches.  Cubs centerfielder Rick Monday saw what they were doing, and ran out to save the flag from being burned on the field. The Dodger Stadium crowd became so enamored with Monday that when he had a contract dispute with Wrigley that winter, the Dodgers didn’t hesitate to acquire him, sending Bill Buckner and Ivan DeJesus to the Cubs.  DeJesus was the chip Dallas Green converted into Ryne Sandberg and Larry Bowa.  Buckner was a fan favorite through the rest of the 1970s and early 1980s, before the Cubs spun him to Boston for Dennis Eckersley. Sandberg, Bowa and Eckersley were part of the 1984 Cubs that changed Cubs’ fans expectations and fueled Lakeview’s resurgence.  Buckner went on to have a couple great seasons in Boston before committing one of the most overhyped errors in history. Eckersley’s career as a starter sputtered with the Cubs, prompting a trade to Oakland, where he became one of the game’s best closers ever — and the victim of Kirk Gibson’s 1988 World Series home run. (Monday, for his part, was the hero in the 1981 NLCS.)

The 1976 visit to Dodger Stadium changed the baseball world — and Chicago — forever.

I could go on and on with more strange occurrences during Cubs’ trips to Southern California, but I won’t because it would require that I rehash 1984, and I’d rather not.  Instead, I just want to give you something to look forward to tonight.

Bad Kermit already gave you a little touch of optimisim yesterday.  Andy Dolan added some as well.  If you want more optimism, witness the bitterness coming from Chuck and Al Yellon. If they agree, you know the opposite is true.

There’s baseball to watch. And I want you to enjoy it.

Tonight, Rich Harden takes the Dodger Stadium mound for the first time ever, and will attempt to do something the Cubs have never done in six prior attempts:

Win a playoff game in California.

That’s right. Three games at the Murph. Three games at the Stick.  Bob Verdi even rolled out his “0-for-California” line last week in his Sunday column.

But this is 2008, 19 years after Will Clark lined a go-ahead single off of Mitch Williams in the eighth inning of Game 5 of the National League Championship Series. The only player still around from either team is Greg Maddux, the former Cubs ace who failed to pitch five innings in either 1989 playoff start.  Today, he happens to pitch for the Dodgers (and is apparently relegated to mop-up duty).  Maddux has some experience being on teams that lose three straight playoff games.

But that’s getting ahead of ourselves.  Let’s instead just enjoy this Cubs team playing another meaningful game — and winning.  Getting a win tonight eliminates the stigma of a sweep. It relieves the depression caused by such incredibly rancid play.

Without thinking of tomorrow, how would a crisply-played, satisfying 5-1 Cubs victory feel tonight? Let Harden go seven and strike out nine before giving way to Marmol, who’ll be his electric self, and Kerry Wood, whose save opportunity will be ruined by a ninth inning two-run double by Mark DeRosa.

A win makes this playoff stint a little less embarrassing. A win spares us the insufferable behavior of White Sox fans, who seem to be enjoying the 2008 playoffs more than the 2005 playoffs.

And it gives the “Number Four” starter, Ted Lilly, a chance to pitch tomorrow. I don’t know which Lilly will show up. It could be the player who has gone 16-5 with a 3.67 ERA since the start of May, or it could be the Ted Lilly who slammed his glove to the ground during a bad start in Phoenix last October. Or it could be the Lilly who was dominant in his final four starts (4-0, 1.93 ERA, .386 OPS against). 

If the Lilly of September or the Lilly of post-April shows up, there will be a Game 5, and Joe Torre will have to go to Chicago with his suddenly mortal team attempting to prevent a Torre-managed club from losing three straight playoff games for the sixth time in his managerial career.

Again, that’s getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s just enjoy tonight as the Cubs snap an eight-game playoff losing streak, dating back to the night Josh Beckett faced Carlos Zambrano in 2003.  Let’s enjoy watching the Cubs win their first playoff game in the Pacific Time Zone. (They’re 0-8 out west).

Just one win. Is it too much to ask for just one win tonight?

Aspiring comedian Ryan Dempster probably got a little bit of a lift from the hilarity ensuing just past the left field wall (and across the street) at Brixen Ivy, the well-situated and acousticophobic rooftop on Waveland Ave. Dempster picked up another Wrigley Field win as regular Shoutboxers, Desipiots and some of their wives and girlfriends were there to witness the Cubs’ 6-2 win over St. Louis, drink enough beer to kill the populations of DuPage, Lake and Cook counties, cheer wildly politely clap at Jim Edmonds’ exploits against his former team, renew and make acquaintances, educate an older woman on the greatness that is Jim Essian, mock hospitably welcome a few well-dressed Cardinals fans, and otherwise have a good time.

Amazingly, nearly every member of this group is a functioning member of society. They all even have jobs (sorry, Lee Elia). Well nearly everyone. The employment status of the three women in the front row is in doubt.

Front Row: Three random women who live in their condominium for a living. Second row (from left): Morpheus, Oleg, TDubbs; Third Row (from left): Bad Kermit, flannj, TEC, A guy whose hat and glasses are the only things visible, Irish Yeti, T.J. Brown, Banana Hands; Third Row: Chuck Dickens’ girlfriend, Chuck Dickens, the left side of Pre’s head, Thrillho/Cornfed, Butthead, Forklift, Mike D., Andy Dolan, thehawk.

Not pictured: Chuck-to-Chuck and Mrs. Chuck-to-Chuck; Slaky and his girlfriend; Andy’s father who probably disowned Andy after meeting this crowd; Mrs. T.J., who is a 3-1 shot to return home today from work now that she met this group; Saint Mrs. Fork, who did vow not to attend a Blackhawks-Red Wings rooftop on New Year’s; Mrs. Butthead; Weebs (out on the curb at 1050 W. Waveland).

For those who have not been a rooftop, Brixen Ivy has its pluses: a great view of the action (sort of important, seeing that you’re paying $150 for a seat) and plenty of beer and food. The view is truly outstanding:

The downsides? Hmm, there were a few.

• As noted before, the managers of Brixen Ivy were apparently terrified of loud noises. Anything approaching the decibel-level of a golf gallery clap was quickly met with a verbal warning from the Brixen Ivy brownshirts gestapo staff.
• The food was good — Thrillho strongly recommends the chips — but dessert was promised in the fifth inning. By the top of the sixth, any evidence of “dessert” was gone. Come on boys, get with the program here.
• Even the gentlest teasing of Cardinals’ fans brought in the “zero tolerance” policy.
• They oversold the event as 20 or so fans didn’t even have a seat. (Thankfully, not the Shoutboxers.)
• Apparently, ordering 20 beers and keeping the cups stored on the back row of the bleachers beyond the seventh inning is frowned upon here.

OK, the last item makes sense, but Catholic parishes usually don’t impose such rules on their parishoners during Sunday Mass. (And when my parish advertises doughnuts and coffee post-Mass, the doughnuts and coffee remain for awhile.)

All was not lost. Bad Kermit made a new friend.

Just as the party was just getting started, Bad Kermit has returned. I’m not sure what he has in store for me now that he has seen the damage — the 60 days worth of guest posters seem to upset him and Sweet Uncle Lou the most.

For now, it means my “humor” will be replaced by Kermit’s humor and Sweet Uncle Lou’s rantings. I really messed up the joint, and Sweet Uncle Lou has already started to make me pay.

This morning, he sent me to a room where the red-haired stepchild he calls “the guy who used to play right field for us” was last seen.

 Once Matt gets done in there, I’m next. I have to write “I won’t ask John McDonough to fix this site” on the blackboard 10,000 times. Or until Lou passes out and I can sneak out. The way he’s been drinking after yesterday’s game, I might be able to make a quick exit.  But then there’s Kermit, who is muttering about having to blog alongside the guests that John McDonough so graciously lined up for us. Something about it going as well as Kellie Pickler in the booth with Len and Bob.

But BK has reason to count his blessings. He left town, the Cubs lost a pair of games to the Diamondbacks, yet still picked up ground in the Wild Card race. Granted, the race is tighter thanks to the D-backs’ two wins. But the Cubs are 1 1/2 games behind Mouthbreathing Mikey and Company, who still lead the Wild Card. They’re a full 3 games behind Milwaukee, but as many of us know, sometimes it’s best to leave a little distance between yourself and Milwaukee. Often, 90 miles doesn’t feel like enough.

You think I’m kidding about Milwaukee? Sure, nice restaurants, fun bars, good frozen custard. But the people? I don’t know about them. Look at this.

MILWAUKEE — A Greenfield couple who admitted locking a 7-year-old boy in his room while they watched Packers games at a casino received sentences this week.

”What both of you did certainly shocks the conscience of the community,” Circuit Judge Jeffrey Wagner said.

Scott Scherer, 39, and Melanie Hardrath, 30, admitted locking Hardrath’s son in his room with a loaf of bread, peanut butter and jelly, and a bucket for a toilet.

Yes, it shocks my conscience. At least they had the decency to leave the kid alone and not make HIM watch the Packers. You might as well get the kid started on crystal meth.  They’re getting 9 months in jail. Don’t inmates get cable anyway? Hell, they probably get the NFL Network and I don’t. So I suppose they get to watch the Packers without their kid around. But I doubt the charming couple from Wisconsin will have much to cheer about as Packers fans.

I’ve got to go. I see Bad Kermit coming, and he’s got a loaf of bread, peanut butter and jelly, and a bucket. And he’s telling me to go into this empty room while he and Sweet Uncle Lou clean this place up.

Until next time (if BK lets there be a next time), it’s been fun.

Can I say how much I like this new “college of coaches” approach to HJE! Kermit and Sweet Lou are nicely supplemented by everyone who has been contributing lately, I think there should be a Guest Columnist every week! It can’t be worse than the Guest Conductors at Wrigley, and for sure reading this article was much better than trying to find something readable in the Chi morning papers…

I appreciate ilrnr2910′s comments, even if his praise is evidence he has elected not to read my postings after the jump. TDubbs, StPatrick, Pre, Anita Piniella, and our hero Jim Essian have all filled in admirably for Kermit. When else would we get two Friday Roundups on the same day?

One other thing about ilrnr2910′s comment: he has a couple of innaccuracies.

Myth No. 1: “for sure reading this article was much better than trying to find something readable in the Chi morning papers…”

Fact: You can, in fact, find something readable in today’s Chicago Arlington Heights papers! After Barry Rozner talks about Tiger Woods, he consults with America’s pre-eminent Barrett expert. Don’t worry about going over there. It’s the same stuff you read yesterday.

Myth No. 2: “I think there should be a Guest Columnist every week! It can’t be worse than the Guest Conductors at Wrigley…”

Fact: Before Bad Kermit returns and changes the keys, I called on John McDonough to see if we could book a guest columnist for every week. Can’t do one a week, he said. Gotta go one a day. Too many “revenue opportunities,” he said.

With the help of McDonough, we’ve got a booking list that is scheduled to begin tomorrow, July 25.

1. July 25 — Al Yellon, Bleed Cubbie Blue
2. July 26 — George Will, Washington Post
3. July 27 — Kurt Evans, Goatriders of the Apocalypse
4. July 28 — Scott Boras, Sports Agent
5. July 29 — Jim Essian, Jr. (Skip’s son)
6. July 30 — Tom Arnold, Actor
7. July 31 — Chuck Gitles, Ivy Chat
8. Aug. 1 — Eric Ferguson and Kathy Hart, Eric and Kathy Radio Show
9. Aug. 2 — Jay Mariotti, Chicago Sun-Times
10. Aug. 3 — Jim Belushi, According to Jim
11. Aug. 4 — Ron Santo
12. Aug. 5 — Gene Simmons, KISS and star of Gene Simmons Family Jewels
13. Aug. 6 — Senators Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton
14. Aug. 7 — Andy Dolan, Desipio
15. Aug. 8 — Mike Ditka
16. Aug. 9 — Jim Frey, Jim Essian’s former boss
17. Aug. 10 — Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney
18. Aug. 11 — Steve McMichael, former Bear
19. Aug. 12 — gaius marius, 1060 west
20. Aug. 13 — Mike North and Fred Huebner, The Score
21. Aug. 14 — Lynn Hauldren, Empire Carpet Guy
22. Aug. 15 — Joe Altobelli, Jim Essian’s predecessor
23. Aug. 16 — Jim Lefebvre, Jim Essian’s successor
24. Aug. 17 — Jake the “local guy” in the Old Style Radio Ads
25. Aug. 18 — Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune
26. Aug. 19 — Todd Hundley, No. 1 on the Bottom 126
27. Aug. 20 — Joe Buck, FOX Sports
28. Aug. 21 — Lance Briggs and Drew Rosenhaus
29. Aug. 22 — Tim Donaghy, author of newly released book and star of new HoopsLine gambling show on CSN
30. Aug. 23 — Vance, NSBB
31. Aug. 24 — Miss Piggy, Muppetts
32. Aug. 25 — Steve Cochran, The Steve Cochran Show on WGN-AM
33. Aug. 26 — Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy ESPN
34. Aug. 27 — The Northwestern and DePaul Women’s Softball Teams, Softball College World Series participants
35. Aug. 28 — Bruce Weber, Illinois basketball
36. Aug. 29 — Dusty Baker, ESPN
37. Aug. 30 — Leah Pipes, star of new CW series Life Is Wild
38. Aug. 31 — Paul Sullivan, Chicago Tribune
39. Sept. 1 — Chip Caray, TBS Sports
40. Sept. 2 — Joe Morgan, ESPN
41. Sept. 3 — Cast of High School Musical
42. Sept. 4 — NIU coach Joe Novak
43. Sept. 5 — Boxer Oscar de la Hoya
44. Sept. 6 — Shoeshine Boy, the Beagle from the movie Underdog
45. Sept. 7 — Grant DePorter, Harry Caray Restaurants
46. Sept. 8 — Danny Jackson, former Cubs pitcher
47. Sept. 9 — Wayne Messmer
48. Sept. 10 — Dave Kaplan, WGN-AM radio
49. Sept. 11 — Allan H. (Bud) Selig, Baseball Commissioner
50. Sept . 12 — Thom Brennaman, FOX Sports
51. Sept. 13 — Former FOX Sports announcer Steve Lyons
52. Sept. 14 — NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon
53. Sept. 15 — Barney the Purple Dinosaur
54. Sept. 16 — Former Ald. Arenda Troutman
55. Sept. 17 — Steve Dahl, WCKG
56. Sept. 18 – Garry Meier, still looking for work WCKG
    
57. Sept. 19 — Maureen Dowd, New York Times
58. Sept. 20 — Katie Couric, CBS News
59. Sept. 21 — Conan O’Brien, Late Night
60. Sept. 22 — Al Roker, Today
61. Sept. 23 — Thad Bosley, former Cub
62. Sept. 24 — Ronnie “Woo Woo” Wickers

There you have it. We’ve booked HJE two months out. McDonough also suggested that we not only allow these guest bloggers contribute their one entry, but that they also be interviewed in both Kermit’s and Sweet Lou’s entries for the day.

Just be careful what you wish for. Kermit returns sometime today, probably not a moment too soon.

Note: If you are one of the scheduled guest bloggers and don’t recognize this piece as being satire, please contact Bad Kermit, and he will be happy to explain to you the terms of your guest-blogging deal.

Kyler Burke has played better since being dropped down a level to short-season A Ball. He’s only 19, and the Cubs will know more over the next two seasons. Kendall’s two years older than Barrett and there are legitimate questions over whether he can still play

Still, the Daily Herald’s Barry Rozner maintains that sending Barrett packing was a turning point for the Cubs:

Since June 2, when the Cubs were 9 under .500 and 7¨ games out in fifth place, the common denominator has been the absence of Michael Barrett, who caught in only 10 of the next 43 games, while the Cubs have gone 29-14 (.674).

The Cubs were 5-5 in those 10 Barrett games, leaving them 24-9 (.727) in non-Barrett games since early June.

How’s the trade gone for the Padres? If you read the venerable Gary Post-Tribune or the San Diego Union-Tribune, you’d think very well. From John Mutka’s July 20 notebook on the Cubs:

While the Cubs continue to play musical chairs behind the plate, former Cub Michael Barrett is supplying offensively challenged San Diego with needed punch.

In his last 10 starts Barrett is batting .303 with six RBI and caught everybody in the Padres’ rotation, including ex-Cub Greg Maddux (twice) [sic].

With the White Sox heating up at the plate the Padres have slipped into last place in the majors with a .242 average.

Barrett, adding desperately needed punch, rapped three hits and threw out a baserunner Tuesday to help David Wells beat the Mets.

If the season ended today the Padres would qualify for the playoffs as a wild-card. They started the day with a 52-41 record, mainly because of a pitching staff that leads the majors with a 3.13 ERA.

Meanwhile, the Cubs have spun seven receivers through the turnstyles [sic], including Barrett. Since Henry Blanco went on the disabled list on May 31, Rob Bowen, Koyie Hill, Jason Kendall, Geovany Soto have caught and Jake Fox was just promoted from Double-A.

Never mind the fact that Mutka plays fast and loose with the facts or that he throws in a gratuitous White Sox reference. (Who cares if the Sox are no longer the worst-hitting team in the majors?) Instead, let’s check in with the Union-Tribune, where hometown writer Tom Krasovic is squarely in the new Padre’s corner:

Take Barrett. Now think of Warren Buffett, the billionaire investor who repeatedly buys low and sells high. That’s what the Padres have done often, and what they said they did when they got Barrett from the Cubs last month for reserve catcher Rob Bowen and a fringe-at-best prospect. Yesterday, the Cubs traded Bowen, who for them had gone 2-for-31 with 13 strikeouts (the minor leaguer the Padres dealt to the Cubs, Kyler Burke, started out 1-for-26 with his new club). Bowen was hot when the Cubs traded for him. He had just had a good series at Wrigley Field. Barrett was in the doghouse of Cubs manager Lou Piniella.

But Padres CEO Sandy Alderson considered Barrett’s bad rap “overblown” in the Windy City. The Padres liked that Barrett had a sturdy track record for hitting, relative to other NL catchers.

Last night, Barrett had three singles out of the No. 7 spot. The Padres were never caught after Barrett lined a single off Jorge Sosa (7-4) to score two runners, the first of them Milton Bradley, another recent low-cost acquisition.

“I’m elated to be here,” Barrett said.

Wells (5-5) handed a 2-1 lead to Heath Bell, who threw a scoreless seventh. Barrett singled and scored later in the seventh. His third single scored Bradley in the eighth for the final run.

“(Barrett) puts the bat on the ball with the best of them,” said Cameron, whose 12th home run made it 4-1 in the eighth. “He’s like (Brian) Giles; he’s a tough out. He’s going to be very helpful. And he does a good job with the pitching staff. He’s always positive.”

Barrett isn’t known as a good thrower, but he nailed Ruben Gotay attempting to steal second base, a critical play that got Bell the final out of the seventh….

I’m not sure where to start with those two, but before I do, let’s look at Paul Sullivan’s blog entry from today:

Michael Barrett. The controversial ex-Cub had another meltdown on Sunday over a called strikeout, leading to the ejection of manager Bud Black. In a glaring case of déjà vu, Barrett’s game-calling is now under scrutiny. How long he’ll be catching Padres ace Jake Peavy is a question they’ll soon be asking in San Diego. Peavy was pounded by Philadelphia on Sunday and has a 5.09 earned-run average with Barrett behind the plate, as opposed to a 1.98 ERA with Josh Bard as his catcher. Padres pitchers overall have a 4.18 ERA with Barrett catching, and a 2.82 ERA with Bard catching.

Sullivan separates himself from the boys here with some spot-on reporting. He and Rozner both omit one telling stat: the Padres are 4-13 with Michael Barrett in the starting lineup. On the day the trade was made, the Padres were the best team in the National League, 12 games over .500. Since then, San Diego is 12-15 (or 8-2 in games Josh Bard has started). They are also clinging to a two game lead in the wild card over the surging Cubs, who Mutka would have you believe are scuffling trying to find an answer behind the plate.

Sullivan talks about Peavy’s numbers with Barrett catching. Here are Maddux’s numbers in the four games Barrett caught this year: 1-3, 4.91 ERA, 1.5 WHIP, six walks, 9 K, 27 hits and 22 innings pitched. Maddux is 17-20 with a 4.73 ERA in the 271 2/3 innings that he has pitched to Barrett.
As for Barrett’s bat: it’s been rather quiet since the trade. In fact, the Cubs have enjoyed comparable production from Koyie Hill. Since June 20, Barrett has eight RBI (Koyie Hill has 12), two runs scored (he didn’t score yesterday, despite the San Diego Union-Tribune’s insistence that he did; by the way, Koyie Hill has scored four times), no homers (Hill has two), four doubles (Hill has three), a .329 slugging average (Hill’s is .378) and a .600 OPS (Hill’s is .628). Hill also five walks to Barrett’s zero and just seven strikeouts to Barrett’s 11.

Barrett will begin to hit sometime this season. But his ejection might contribute to a suspension of his manager, his pitch calling continues to be suspect, and his offense will suffer in PETCO Park.

Whisper this aloud if you dare: The Padres were fleeced. And don’t feel too badly about it. Remember the Padres brought us three very traumatic moments:

Bill Murray once remarked: “I try to litter in San Diego whenever possible.” I do too. I suppose sending Michael Barrett to San Diego is Jim Hendry’s way of doing the same.

I wanted to introduce myself to you early enough because insanity could ensue this weekend, and I’ll be too busy bitching about Hendry sending Geovany Soto to Texas for Eric Gagne explaining to you how Koyie Hill to Cincinnati for Ken Griffey Jr. and David Weathers is Hendry’s best trade yet. Regardless, the trading deadline is only 13 days away, and players will change teams, or at least Phil Rogers and Peter Gammons will be busy saying they’re just about to.

The Cubs actually made a deal Monday, sending fan favorite Rob Bowen and minor leaguer Jerry Blevins to Oakland for former All-Star catcher Jason Kendall. I’m not saying Blevins is going to be the next Walter Johnson, but Billy Beane and Jim Hendry matching wits is the kind of mismatch you might expect when Harvard meets Oakton College in a Quiz Bowl. Kendall’s first day as a Cub was bad. Awful. Let’s hope this was the jet lag that we saw, and that Kendall won’t be mentioned in the same breath as Matt Karchner and Ernie Broglio. Let’s also hope that Hendry isn’t done. As impressive as the last four weeks have been, the greatest team since the 1927 Yankees does not play at 1060 W. Addison St. Hendry must be working the phones in between benders to all the local Dunkin Donuts, right?

That said, ol’ Donuts has been active this time of year ever since he’s been general manager, and he’s had mixed results. He really hasn’t done any worse than the guys who came before him, which is to say he hasn’t turned the Cubs into the 1899 Cleveland Spiders — although there is always time to try.

Let’s take a look at some midseason moves the Cubs made over the years. Let me warn you, this is a long post, so print it out and take it with you to read while riding the train or bus or while driving 75 MPH through the Dan Ryan Expressway construction zone.

July 27, 1945 – The Cubs purchase Hank Borowy from the New York Yankees for $97,000.

The Yanks were 43-40 and four games behind first-place Detroit. They didn’t have Joe DiMaggio that year as he was saving the world from tyrants in World War II. (Note: Don’t you think a tour in Iraq would do wonders for Barry Bonds’ image?) The Cubs were 54-33, four games ahead of St. Louis, who was without Stan Musial and Enos Cabell. Yes, the Cubs were in danger of winning the pennant because all of their players were 4-F.

The $97,000 that it cost Phil Wrigley to get Borowy was about $1.08 million in 2006 dollars, so it was much less than what it cost the Cubs to send Michael Barrett away. Then again, if Hendry had sent $1.08 million to the Yankees this year for Borowy, we’d all be wondering why he would pay so much for a guy who’s been dead for three years.

Borowy went 11-2 for the Cubs, who went to the World Series. Borowy shut out the Tigers in Game 1, and then lost Game 5 to put the Cubs on the brink of elimination. He then pitched four shutout innings of relief as the Cubs won Game 6 in 12 innings before Charlie Grimm decided to start Borowy in Game 7. Borowy did not retire a batter in Game 7 and no one has started a World Series game for the Cubs since. Borowy went 25-32 over the next three seasons with the Cubs.

Verdict: Unless you believe guys who win two World Series games for the Cubs suck, this was about as good as it could get. Pitchers who have won two or more World Series games with the Cubs: Borowy, Lon Warneke, Mordecai Brown, Orval Overall, and Ed Reulbach. Two other pitchers have two or more postseason wins with the Cubs: Mark Prior and Kerry Wood.

May 2, 1946 — Cubs sign free agent Billy Jurges. The Cubs were 7-6 on the young season, two games out of first and flush with optimism that the postwar era would be an era dominated by the Cubs, day baseball, chewing gum and banjo-playing managers. They had trouble generating any offense out of the shortstop position, however, with regular Lennie Merullo coming off a .239/.297/.299 season. To make matters worse, Merullo booted 30 balls in 1945. How bad was that? Ronnie Cedeno made 23 errors in 2006 and Alex Gonzalez 10 in 2003 (and Merullo only played 118 games at short in 1945).

As for Jurges, he was a key part of three Cubs World Series teams in the 1930s, and a three-time all-star. The Cubs had dealt him to the Giants after the 1938 season, and Jurges continued to hit, posting a .324/.405/.403 line with the Giants in 1945. He caught on with the Boston Braves in 1946, but was released in spring training.

Jurges hit .222 in 82 games for the 1946 Cubs, whose 82-71 record put them 14 1/2 games behind St. Louis.

Verdict: Not a great move, but does anyone really think Jurges was worse than Lennie Merullo?

June 15, 1952 — The Cubs purchase infielder Tommy Brown from the Philadelphia Phillies. At 34-21 and 4 1/2 games behind the Brooklyn Dodgers, Cubs general manager Wid Matthews saw the possibilities of the Cubs hosting a young Mickey Mantle and the New York Yankees for the World Series. The Cubs actually had the best record in baseball for a team that played outside of the boroughs. Again, the shortstop and second base positions were shaky, with Roy Smalley Sr. and Eddie Miksis making young Cubs fans yearn for 2000, when Ricky Guttierez and Eric Young would hold down the middle infield.

Brown was only 24 years old, yet was a veteran of eight MLB seasons. He also was from Brooklyn, so maybe Matthews felt that by New Yorking his team up a little bit, the Cubs would be able to pass the Dodgers and Giants. Brown, didn’t cost much, as he was only hitting .160 for the Phils, who were presumably packing it in at 21-30 and 15 1/2 games behind the Dodgers.

Brown put up a solid .320/.358/.420 line for the Cubs, but the Cubs went 43-56 the rest of the way sputtering to a 77-77 record, finishing in fifth place, 19 1/2 games out of first. The Phillies, meanwhile went 66-37 the rest of the way to finish 87-67, 10 games in front of the Cubs. Without Brown, the two teams combined to go 100-58. With Brown, the two teams went 64-86.

Verdict: Tommy Brown is Michael Barrett (3-11 in games he started since joining the Padres, by the way) without shinguards. And Wid Matthews is Jim Hendry without the Dunkin’ Donuts tab.

June 24, 1963 — Cubs general manager John Holland trades relief pitcher Barney Schultz to St. Louis for pinch-hitter deluxe Leo Burke. At 38-33 and 3 1/2 games behind defending NL Champ San Francisco, the Cubs were in contention for the first time in a decade. St. Louis, meanwhile, was just half a game behind San Francisco.

Verdict: This trade didn’t really help or hurt the Cubs, who went 82-80 and finished seventh in the 10-team National League. Burke played 2 1/2 forgettable seasons with the Cubs. Schultz appeared to have three productive seasons in the St. Louis bullpen, saving 14 for the Cardinals in 1964. Of course, he also had a disatrous World Series, giving up eight earned runs in four innings, including a leadoff walk-off homer to Mickey Mantle in Game 3.

June 15, 1964 — The Cubs acquire Ernie Broglio, Bobby Shantz and Doug Clemens for Paul Toth, Jack Spring and Lou Brock. We need not elaborate.

Verdict: We have a hung jury. That is, the jury looked at this one and hanged themselves.

April 23, 1968 — The Cubs trade Jim Ellis and Ted Savage to the Los Angeles Dodgers for Phil Regan and Jim Hickman.

The Cubs had just come off their winningest season since 1945, and while their nucleus was entering their prime, players like Ernie Banks were not getting any younger. Regan paid immediate dividends, saving 25 games in 1968 as the Cubs finished 82-80. Hickman and Regan were important parts of the 1969 Cubs.

Verdict: While not a trade deadline move, this was designed to help the Cubs win immediately. The Cubs got the better end of this deal.

June 11, 1969 — Cubs trade outfielder Adolfo Phillips and pitcher Jack Lamabe to Montreal for infielder Paul Popovich. This was actually a three-team deal as Popovich was sent to Montreal from the Dodgers, with Montreal also receiving Ron Fairly from Los Angeles, and the Dodgers receiving Maury Wills and Manny Mota.

While the Cubs were 37-18 and seven games in front of second-place New York, this trade hardly was the splash they needed. Popovich was a utility guy who could play three infield positions, and if pressed, the outfield. Jim Hendry liked The Paul Popovich Experience that he acquired a similar player from Montreal 25 years later.

Verdict: Meh. At least it wasn’t as bad as the trade John Holland swung in April, when he sent Joe Niekro and two other scrubs to San Diego for Dick Selma. This was a team crying for a blockbuster trade to help bring a title home. The Cubs had bait, too. Oscar Gamble was 19 and had almost as much promise as he had hair. Adolfo Phillips probably had some value, too, as did Don Young before his meltdown at Shea Stadium. Had John Holland procured a defensive center fielder, and another starting pitcher … aw, screw it.

June 23, 1970 — Cubs purchase Milt Pappas from Atlanta. Again, the Cubs were in first place at 35-29, and this time they were smarting from the spectacular collapse a year earlier. Pappas was 2-2 with a 6.06 ERA with Atlanta before losing his spot in the rotation. With the Cubs, he was 10-8, including 7-2 at Wrigley. He later won 17 games in 1971 and again in 1972. The Cubs finished 84-78, five games behind Pittsburgh.

Verdict: This is the type of acquisition we can hope for. Maybe the trade for Kendall will be likened to this, should Kendall rediscover his batting stroke. It was a low-risk, high-return acquisition, just as Kendall could be.

September 21, 1970 — Cubs acquire future Hall of Famer Hoyt Wilhelm from Atlanta in a waiver-wire deal. The Cubs were 80-72, two games behind Pittsburgh with 10 games to play.

Aha! This one was bold! This was daring! A real-live Hall-of-Famer on the Cubs! (OK, so they also had Billy Williams, Ernie Banks, Ferguson Jenkins and Leo Durocher in uniform the day they acquired Wilhelm, not to mention should-be Hall-of-Famer Ron Santo, but c’mon!)

So how did this acquisition work? The Cubs had Sept. 21 and Sept. 22 off, and resumed play with a doubleheader at the Urinal Cake against the Cardinals. Jenkins lost game one 2-1 to Bob Gibson. In the nightcap, Bill Hands went seven innings allowing two runs before Wilhelm got to make his debut as a Cub. Wilhelm pitched an uneventful eighth, but the Cubs lost 2-1. So, the Cubs fell to 80-74 and 2 1/2 games out (and into third place, a half game behind the Mets). Not a great position to be in, but, hey — the Cubs had a Hall of Famer (albeit a 47-year-old Hall of Famer) in their bullpen!

The Cubs salvaged the third game of the series the next day, beating the Cards 7-1 behind a complete game out of Ken Holtzman. This lifted the Cubs into a tie for second with New York, 2 1/2 games behind Pittsburgh. Plus, the Cubs had three games ahead with the Phillies, who were 15 games under .500. In the series opener at brand-new Veterans Stadium, Pappas went 5 innings and allowed two runs before being pulled for a pinch hitter. Phil Regan opened the sixth by allowing back-to-back home runs to Tim McCarver and Don Money before giving way to Wilhelm. Wilhelm — the Hall of Famer in the Cubs’ bullpen — went two innings and allowed a run, but it didn’t matter anyway, as the Phils won 5-3. To make matters worse, Pittsburgh beat the Mets that night to move up 3 1/2 games on both teams with six to play.

Down four games with four to play, Wilhelm made his third and final outing as a Cub in relief of Ken Holtzman, whose Cubs were tied after nine innings. Wilhelm punctuated his stint with the Cubs by giving up a three-run walkoff homer to Wayne Garrett to send the Cubs home losers. Wilhelm was sent back to Atlanta and made 28 more appearances in the Majors before retiring.

Verdict: Deep in my heart of hearts, I fear that Hendry will send some cash to the Mets and take currently designated for assignment 49-year-old Julio Franco off of their hands. I’m not sure Franco’s stay with the Cubs would go as well as Wilhelm’s did. Wilhelm was a full two years younger than Franco is today.

June 13, 1984 — The Cubs were 34-25 and a game and a half better than second-place New York. General manager Dallas Green pulled off the boldest trade of his Cubs career, sending young outfielders Mel Hall and Joe Carter and pitchers Don Schulze and Daryl Banks to Cleveland for catcher Ron Hassey, reliever George Frazier and right-handed starter Rick Sutcliffe.

Sutcliffe went 16-1, won the NL Cy Young Award, helped the Cubs widen their division lead, as they won the NL East by 6 1/2 games, won Game 1 of the NLCS and then faded in Game 5 as the Padres won the pennant. Still, Sutcliffe lasted eight more seasons with the Cubs, and during about 3 1/2 of those seasons, he was among the best pitchers in the National League.

Verdict: Everything about this looks like a winner. Even if it meant Joe Carter couldn’t stay around in the Cubs system long enough for Dallas Green to alienate him so Carter would never want to have anything to do with the organization ever again.

The one guy who was alienated by the Cubs organization was Hall. Green almost screwed up the trade as the details weren’t finalized until after the June 15 deadline. Because of that, all the players involved needed to clear waivers. The delay put everyone on the shelf for more than a week, irritating Hall, who angrily said about Sutcliffe, “Never heard of him. Wouldn’t mind hitting against him.”

Just a few weeks ago, we all found out that Sutcliffe’s pitching was not all that Hall wouldn’t mind hitting.

August 24, 1989 — Cubs general manager Jim Frey sends two minor leaguers to Atlanta for left-hander Paul Assenmacher. Five days later, Frey unloads Calvin Schiraldi and Darrin Jackson to San Diego for Marvell Wynne and Luis Salazar.

Verdict: Salazar has a nice September, and Assenmacher was a good pick-up (even though he wasn’t a savior for the Cubs in 1989). Wynne was awful, and the acquisitions of Wynne, Salazar and Assenmacher were a bit of a disappointment when the Cubs needed a better third baseman and an experienced catcher since Damon Berryhill was hurt, Joe Girardi was a rookie, and Rick Wrona was a rookie and awful. Days before the deadline, rumors of the Sox trading Carlton Fisk to the Cubs for Jeff Pico and Schiraldi surfaced. Fisk hit .282 (with an .867 OPS) in 26 meaningless games for the White Sox in September 1989, and how awesome would it be to see Pico and Schiraldi pitch BP to American League teams in White Sox uniforms?

June 16, 1995 — Cubs trade right-handed pitcher Mike Morgan and two minor leaguers to St. Louis for third baseman Todd Zeile and cash. At the time, the post-strike Cubs were 25-21, four games behind the first-place Reds, and only a game and a half behind Atlanta for the wild card spot. St. Louis was six under .500, and Joe Torre was well on his way to tanking the season so he could get canned and wind up in New York the next year. Zeile had hit to a .291/.378/.457 line with the Cardinals.

Verdict: It created a big splash the day the trade was made, but Zeile was useless with the Cubs. He hit .227 with a .271 OBP and the Cubs welcomed the ex-Cardinal by losing 10 of their next 14. New manager Ed Lynch knew he needed to make a bigger splash, so he again looked within the division.

June 28, 1995 — Cubs trade catcher Rick Wilkins to Houston for Scott Servais and a regular-sized Luis Gonzalez. At the time, the Cubs had sunk to 29-29 and were 7 1/2 out of first and 2 1/2 behind second-place Houston, who maybe thought Wilkins would be the guy they’d need to get over the hump — HA!

Verdict: Ed Lynch made two great trades as general manager, and this is one of them. Gonzalez was the steady hitter the Cubs needed and Servais was a monster — at least in 1995. Look at Servais’ numbers the rest of the season: .286/.371/.560, 12 HR, 35 RBI. Gonzalez only hit seven for the Cubs in 1995 and 15 for the Cubs in 1996. Only five seasons later, he hit 57 for the Diamondbacks. He was also much skinnier in 1995. But I digress. The Cubs finished 73-71, and they were mathematically in the race until the second-to-last game of the season.

July 29, 1998 and July 31, 1998 — The Cubs get Matt Karchner from the White Sox for Jon Garland on July 29, then deal Kevin Orie, Justin Speier and Todd Noel to the Marlins for Felix Heredia on July 31.

At 61-47, the Cubs were only 3 1/2 games behind Houston for first place in the division, and 3 games ahead of New York for the Wild Card. The White Sox were under .500 and left for dead, and Florida was still selling off players from the previous year’s World Series team.

Verdict: Ed Lynch played checkers while the Astros’ John Hunsicker played chess. The big prize was Seattle’s Randy Johnson, who was tall and ugly and said he had a bad back. Johnson was 9-10 with a 4.28 ERA with the M’s. Lou screamed at him a lot. He screamed back at Lou. He was also 34 and at the downside of his career, right? Somehow, I think Lynch tried to reassure himself with that line of reasoning the day he got Heredia and the Astros sent Freddy Garcia, John Halama and Carlos Guillen to Seattle for Johnson.

Johnson went 10-1 with a 1.28 ERA during his two-month rental in Houston. The Cubs bullpen continued to struggle, the rotation depended heavily on Kevin Tapani’s inexplicable resurgence, Steve Trachsel’s demeanor and Kerry Wood’s original elbow tendon, and the Cubs backed into a tie for the Wild Card lead. And we won’t go into how Garland for Karchner has turned into a punchline in meth labs all over the Southwest suburbs.

Verdict: If any acquisition can take credit for the Cubs making the playoffs, it didn’t happen the days before the trade deadline in 1998.

August 19, 1998 — Cubs sign Gary Gaetti after he was released by the Cardinals.The Cubs were 69-57, 1 game behind New York for the Wild Card lead.

Verdict: Gaetti had a .991 OPS for the Cubs in 1998. His pickup facilitated the benching of Jeff Blauser. He also hit a big home run to give the Cubs the lead in the tiebreaker against the Giants. Who cares if Gaetti returned to the Cubs in 1999 to suck and forever ruin our memories of him?

May 21, 1999 — Desperate for a closer after Rod Beck (RIP, Shooter) was injured, the Cubs send minor leaguers Kyle Lohse and Jason Ryan to the Twins for Rick Aguilera (and Scott Downs). The Cubs were 22-17, 2 1/2 games behind Houston and a game and a half behind the Wild Card leading Mets.

Verdict: Although Ed Lynch was still the general manager, Andy MacPhail engineered this trade through and through. (He also played a big part in bringing Gaetti to Chicago and keeping him here.) MacPhail had a good relationship with Aguilera when they were with the Twins. He convinced Aguilera to waive the no-trade clause and come to Chicago, and save our season. And save it, Aguilera did, in a way that not even Neifi Perez could do.

He set the tone in the second appearance he made as a Cub. He came in the ninth with a 5-3 lead, hoping to save the win for Jon Lieber. After retiring hot dog magnate the Marlins’ Dave Berg on a deep fly ball to right center, Aguilera allowed back-to-back line drive singles to Bruce Aven and Luis Castillo. After retiring Alex Gonzalez (the one not on Kermit’s list) on a pop-up, Cliff Floyd hit an RBI single to make the lead only one. The next batter, Kevin Millar, hit a deep fly ball into the right-field corner. I was at that game. It was, at worst, a legitimate triple for Millar. Either way, he circled the bases, and the Cubs trailed 7-5.

The Cubs finished 67-95 and Aguilera picked up eight saves. This season was a total, unmitigated disaster.

July 2001 — The Cubs trade a couple of scrubs for Fred McGriff. Then they wait for McGriff to weigh the benefits of spending the rest of the season with a team with a big fan following in contention or spending it with an awful team with no fans. On July 27, McGriff decided he would go to Chicago.

Verdict: The Cubs made another trade that month, sending serial eater Ruben Quevedo to Milwaukee for another guy who enjoyed a meal or two, David Weathers. But Weathers hadn’t become a closer at that point, and everybody got excited at the prospect of getting a real-live borderline Hall-of-Famer! McGriff didn’t want to be in Chicago, and everybody knew it. In case there was any doubt, he played first base as if he was serving a 25-year prison sentence. I really don’t want to talk about it. August 2001 was a lousy month to be a Cubs fan, and September 2001 a lousy month to be an American. At least October 2001 was a great month to be a Bears fan.

July 23, 2003 — With Corey Patterson injured and third base a big void, the Cubs send retread Jose Hernandez, minor leaguer Matt Bruback and a player to be named later (Bobby Hill) to the Pirates for Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton. At the time, the Cubs were 50-50, five and a half out of first and six and a half out of the Wild Card lead.

Verdict: Going outbound were two B126 members and a minor leaguer who never saw the light of a city larger than Columbus, Ohio. Coming in was a genuine leadoff hitter who gave the Cubs the spark they needed AND the best third baseman ever since the Cubs tried signing a 47-year-old knuckleballer to save their season.

July 31, 2004 — The Cubs send Alex Gonzalez, Brendan Harris and Francis Beltran to Montreal and minor leaguer Justin Jones to the Minnesota Twins. Boston sends Matt Murton and Nomar Garciaparra to the Cubs.

Verdict: Boston got Orlando Cabrera and Doug Mientkiewicz out of the deal and three months later were world champions. On the other hand, Beltran, Alex Gonzalez, Harris and Justin Jones were of little value, and the Cubs still DO have Matt Murton, even if he’s living in Rod Beck’s old trailer at Sec Taylor Stadium.

Nomar was a huge upgrade over Alex Gonzalez, who had regressed in 2004 into being a worse option than Rey Ordonez. The only problem was Nomar was still injured, and the Cubs needed another shortstop to play every few days. Thus, the start of the Neifi Perez era.

That said, Nomar did more to keep the Cubs in the Wild Card race (they were 2 games behind San Diego when the trade was made) than he had to do with the Cubs’ collapsing.

July 31, 2005 — Just 13 days after trading Jason Dubois to Cleveland for Jody Gerut, the Cubs trade Gerut to Pittsburgh for centerfielder Matt Lawton.

The Cubs were 53-52, four games behind Wild Card leader (and eventual NL champion) Houston when they declared themselves in the race. Corey Patterson wasn’t injured this year, unless hurt feelings can land you on the disabled list. Actually, Patterson was in Iowa when this move was made, and this trade looked good on its face. Lawton was hitting a .273/.380/.435 line with 10 homers and 16 stolen bases when the deal was made.

Lawton spent three weeks in Chicago where he hit .244/.289/.308 with a homer and one stolen base. He was then sent to the Yankees for a minor league pitcher that is now probably assistant manager at the Shreveport Jiffy Lube. Lawton hit .125 with the Yankees before testing positive for steroids.

Verdict: Let’s see. Lawton did almost nothing for the Cubs, who fell out of the race shortly after the trade. This was a series of one bad player for another trades, but let’s not forget the other impact of the Dubois-Gerut trade. Gerut sucked, but maybe he would have gotten hot if he had stayed in Cleveland, where he had enjoyed a fairly productive career. Maybe he would have lit up the AL in late September, giving the Indians the couple of extra wins they would have needed during the White Sox near collapse. Then, who knows, the World Series might have taken place.

That’s 60 years, 20 deals (or sets of deals), and here’s the final tally: three great (Borowy, Sutcliffe, and Ramirez/Lofton), four good (Regan/Hickman, Pappas, Servais/Gonzalez and Gaetti), three OK (Popovich, Salazar/Wynne/Assenmacher, Nomar/Murton), three non-factors (Jurges, Burke, Zeile), three bad (Brown, Wilhelm, Lawton) and four disasters (Broglio, Heredia/Karchner, Aguilera, McGriff). That’s (more or less) seven that turned out well, six that had little positive or negative effect, and seven that gave us bad tastes. Is that bad? Yes! Of the 20 trades, 35 percent made the Cubs worse off, and 65 percent of the trades didn’t improve them.

And that brings us (thank God) to 2007, where Hendry has turned Bag O’Hammers Barrett into Rob Bowen into Jason Kendall. Will he turn Jacque Jones into a pumpkin? Just 13 days to find out.