Hire Jim Essian

So, the Winter Meetings wrapped up in Indianapolis yesterday, and the big move of the week was Jim Hendry dumping Milton Bradley on the- Wait, what? Whaddya mean, "He's still on the team"? If I told Hendry once, I told him a thousand times that I'd rather give up swearing than have Bradley back on this team. ... Read More

Oh, dear. In one offseason, we lose Mark DeRosa, and now folk hero Jake Fox is no longer a Cub! (HT: Luis) For whom will ridiculous Cubs fans blindly root? What will they do? I guess they could just celebrate the fact that Aaron Miles is no longer a Cub, either. One midget middle ... Read More

As our good friend Paul Sullivan pointed out in his Twitter feed, we're finally down an Aaron (Heilman), and have only Miles left to purge. (HT: Luis) If I didn't think Jim Hendry was going to trade Aramis, Marmol, Lee, Zambrano, and Lilly for Curtis Granderson, I might actually pat him on his pasty white back. As ... Read More

Oh, good to see you nerds. I figured everyone on the planet, including Chad Ochocinco, is playing Modern Warfare 2. When he's not Tweeting two hundred times a day. Thanks as always for the tips. How many times do you think Hef will get asked, "Do the Bunnies come with the deal?" If you can't afford the Bunnies, certainly ... Read More

Joe Girardi has always been a weird-looking dude. But until the folks at Halos Heaven pointed it out, I didn't realize how much he looks like Skeletor. Apparently, he used whatever the opposite of power of Greyskull is (the power of Snake Mountain?) on his way home from winning the World Series to assist a woman who had ... Read More

Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls. Ha ha ha! Seriously though, ghouls, do us all a favor and dress like sluts tomorrow. There's nothing scarier than Mark McGwire's pockmarks, so I assume you've had your fill of terror for this week. But I hope you all have a safe and happy Halloween. Thanks, as always, for ... Read More

It's looking pretty inevitable that the Yankees are going to be the American League representative in this year's World Series. That means it would be a Phillies-Yankees matchup. Could it be any more boring than that? We just saw Philly win the World Series, and I'm sick of Derek Jeter's face. An Angels-Dodgers matchup would have ... Read More

In the 90's, many of you probably spent hours staring at a white Bronco leading the lowest-speed chase in California history. In the 00's, the captivating chase was even slower. You probably spent some time yesterday watching an empty helium balloon floating through the Colorado sky. A balloon. You're a grown person. Even toddlers lose ... Read More

Thank you, Matt Holliday. Thank you so very much for last night. Sure, it may sound like sour grapes to laugh at the misfortunes of the Cardinals. And it most certainly is. There will be Cardinals fans saying things like, "Well, at least our team MADE the playoffs!" And they can go fuck themselves. ... Read More

Welcome to the merciful final weekend of the season. I can't honestly recommend watching us finish up the season against a bad Diamondbacks team, so instead I'll suggest that you pay attention to the only pennant race left. Kermit has made no secret of his unabashed love for the Minnesota Twins. I can hardly blame him. All of ... Read More