Hire Jim Essian

Okay, sad sacks. Since I know you really only follow this team to complain about us, I have some bad news for you. We might not be as terrible as you think we are. Everyone was saying this stretch of games against the Phillies, Rangers, Dodgers, and Cardinals was going to kill us. We're 5-3 so ... Read More

The image to your right is just one of the many amazing/infuriating ones you'll find among these 10 years of Ronnie Woo photographs. (HT: Luis) The pictures reveal the answers to so many mysteries. Did you know Ronnie has a daughter? Did you know he's never been sober? Did you know he likes to chase ... Read More

Hey, did you notice how me and Carlos have what us Spaniards might call a relationship that has gone "frio"? We barely speak anymore, he doesn't return my phone calls, and he's only pitched 7 2/3 innings since he was moved to the bullpen. So, what gives? More importantly, does anyone care? It's been a loooooong ... Read More

Okay, everyone ignore baseball until the Blackhawks are done winning the Stanley Cup. That's what I'm going to do. If you want to read about hockey, check out Hockee Night or Second City Hockey. If you want to read about baseball, you're probably chained to a bedframe right now with your testicles wired to a car battery. ... Read More

Everyone's crying about the length of games, from Joe West to Bud Selig. Not me. I wish the MLB had longer commercial breaks and mound visits. That way, I wouldn't have to come running out to argue a call in mid-piss. Oh, well. I got a lot of great tips this week. Keep them ... Read More

Three games into the season, and the only guy in the starting lineup who doesn't have a hit is our leadoff "hitter." Do you hear those footsteps, Ryan Theriot? No, they're not Starlin Castro's. They're mine. I'm running down the hallway to the clubhouse to kick your ass. Your Roundup tips are always read and ... Read More

So, Dolan and Kermit start a new blog and don't invite me and Skip? FUCK. YOU. GUYS. The rest of you know where to find the only GOOD writers in the baseball blogosphere. Right here. At HJE. And those writers are me and Skip. Don't send your Roundup tips to Fisting Fouls, ... Read More

So, the Roundup is exceptionally late. Meaning you probably got some work done this morning. Meaning your bosses have me to thank for that. Meaning you should send me a cut of your next paycheck. Or just send me some tips. It's official. Chuck, Dolan, and I broke WGN Radio. Napervillians are nothing if not clever. I suspect ... Read More

Ah, spring in Chicago. The air is crisp, the birds are chirping, there is love horny desperation in the air. I hope you enjoyed your week of nice weather while you were sitting at your desks, Chicagoans. It's going to be a chilly weekend. Be sure to snuggle up with your favorite porn. Roundup tips ... Read More

I would have liked to have had the Roundup done earlier, and I wish I would have made it funnier, but was up all night responding to the hate mail I get from stupid CHICAGO. Thank you, as always, for your tips from around the interweb. Your best bet is to deliver them here. Lord knows if ... Read More