If it seems like I’ve been neglecting you, I HAVE. You know. Life ‘n’ junk. Plus, now that the new Xbox is out, don’t expect daddy to come home straight from work any time soon. If only UPS would get here.
Hire Jim Essian has now been around for the hiring of Mike Quade, Dale Sveum, and Rick Renteria, and the Cubs haven’t even INTERVIEWED Skip. I’m starting to think I’m wasting my life. Eh. I’d probably just fritter the extra time away playing Tiny Death Star, anyhow. Welcome to November, the month where Quade-like dudes like me get really embarrassed explaining why we aren’t growing mustaches. I skipped shaving the upper lip for about four days, and I look like a high school sophomore. LINE UP, LADIES.
Christmas came early this year, my friends. Dumb questions about the Cubs have gone unanswered for ages. They’ve been building up in the brains of those people still actually thinking about a 66-96 team in November. Have no fear, simpletons! Carrie has returned from on high with a new picture, new answers, and, inexplicably, two stone tablets! Get ready for a lot of questions about third base which probably could have been combined into one answer, but were NOT!
Sammy Sosa ended his MLB career with 609 home runs. Rick Wilkins ended his MLB career with 81 home runs. As teammates on the 1993 Cubs, Sosa only out-homered Wilkins by three, as the two led the team. Wilkins’ 30 home runs in 1993 were more than twice the number he had any any other one year of his career. In fact, if you combine Wilkins’ home run totals in any other three years in the MLB, those totals won’t add up to 30. Rick Wilkins pulled a Brady Anderson three years before Brady Anderson did it himself. For one year, Wilkins was an elite catcher. And for his other years in a Cub uniform, he wasn’t complete crap, which is more than you can say for the rest of Wilkins’ career stops. For that reason, Wilkins handles the pitching staff for the Best Bad Cubs Team of My Time.
Thanks(?) to Da Chief and Barstool Sports for providing me with the delightful picture of infamous dipshit Ryan Dempster. Might as well dress like a clown if you’re going to act like one all the time, I guess. I haven’t watched a single second of the World Series to this point, and I plan on keeping it that way. So Dempster could have worn that suit on the field for all I know. I heard there was an atrocious call in Game One that got reversed, so I’m assuming not only are both teams in the Series terrible pieces of shit, but so are the umpires! Hooray! I’m going to make this Roundup quick, and I’m going to make it dirty. I know I normally take great care in editing these things, so forgive my errors and omissions.
It’s going to be Red Sox-Cardinals, guys. Get used to that reality. Really let it sink in. And then buy booze. Lots and lots of booze. Or, just cancel your cable like I did and avoid the whole damn thing.
The Cincinnati Reds finally figured out what the San Francisco Giants and Chicago Cubs already knew. Dusty Baker is a cartoonish, narcissistic oaf who can’t manage baseball teams or personalities. The Reds fired Baker today, which would be hilarious if the Cubs weren’t looking for a manager. (HT: Pre) Unfortunately for the Cubs, not only are the Reds another suitor the managerial candidates out there, but also it’s going to be hard for the Reds to hire someone worse than Baker. Though I think they could probably pry Bobby Valentine away from Sacred Heart. The biggest winner in today’s firing is Johnny Cueto’s arm.
Hey, Al doesn’t have the market cornered on open letters to the Cubs front office that Theo Epstein will never read. Theo, you’ve done a lot of good in Chicago to this point. You’ve improved the team. You got rid of that alpaca manager. You haven’t acknowledged the idiot fan base that pays for season […]
HJE pater noster TJ forwarded me an email he sent to Phil Rogers after Phil posted this piece of garbage over the weekend and wrote, “With the Pirates’ 20-year losing streak finally over, it’s time to turn our national attention to the Royals, who last went to the playoffs in 1985. Their 28-year streak without a postseason trip is the longest drought in the history of MLB and longer than any in the NFL, NBA or NHL.” Today is Phil’s last day at the Tribune, presumably because of this very article. He’s heading to MLB.com, so I guess I’m NOT going to buy MLB.tv next year. Presumably, OUR GOOD FRIEND Paul Sullivan will get Phil’s gig, which is nice, because Chicago’s national baseball coverage will no longer be hilariously inept. Anyhow, I’ll let TJ speak for himself (and us ALL).