I don't understand the excitement.

I don’t understand the excitement.

Happy Super Bowl weekend, humans. If you have plans for the Super Bowl, you’re one step ahead of me. No part of me wants to see Peyton Manning with another Super Bowl, but a large part of me wants Pete Carroll to fall on his stupid smug face. So, go Broncos? Whatever your plans for this weekend, be safe, try to let your significant others actually watch the game if they want to, and try to space out your halftime toilet flushes.

Your tips are as appreciated as bailing on your college football program like an utter pussy just seconds before the NCAA drops the hammer on you.

  • The anti-lights people: The original rooftop dickheads. I’ve got news for you, idiots from the past. If you’re trying to raise a kid around Wrigley Field, you’ve already failed as a parent.
  • Couldn’t the paralyzed kid have asked her to hold up a sign, or something?
  • The Cubs are going to be good some day. ALLEGEDLY.
  • Anna Kendrick is improv class hot and stars in self-aware commercials.
  • The VERY reliable pornwikileaks.com has some revelatory information information about why Ryan Dempster might have gotten divorced. (HT: Ziggy) For those of you who can’t get to sites with “porn” in the title:

    On February 12, 2011, it was reported on the Porn Wiki Leaks Forum that Mariah Milano had fucked a Chicago Cubs pitcher on a 2010 road trip. The poster that reported the incident was a personal friend of the Cubs player and retold the story:
    “A friend of mine who pitches for the cubs fucked this whore last season on a road trip. He said she smoked meth out of a glass tube in front of him, insisted on unprotected sex but he used a condom and fucked her in the ass and 30 seconds in to it he smelled shit and looked down and his entire cock was covered in shit and his balls. He threw up, kicked her out of the hotel and showered for 3 hours straight after. This chick is a nasty meth head street whore of the worst kind. A total dumpster diving tweeker too.”
    When pressed to name the Cubs player, the poster said:
    “his name is Ryan and he’s from Canada.”

  • Wouldn’t it be safer to just paint a stripe on the ground? (HT: level5)
  • Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal is, in my opinion, one of the most consistently great webcomics out there. This one is one of my favorites solely for the red-button punchline at the bottom.
  • If you just believe in yourself, you’ll never be tired again. Or something.
  • YOUR AWESOME CLIP OF THE WEEK: Bad Lip Reading is always hilarious. Here’s the Super Bowl edition.