It's a tall order, but someone has to do it.

It’s a tall order, but someone has to do it.

Hire Jim Essian has now been around for the hiring of Mike Quade, Dale Sveum, and Rick Renteria, and the Cubs haven’t even INTERVIEWED Skip. I’m starting to think I’m wasting my life. Eh. I’d probably just fritter the extra time away playing Tiny Death Star, anyhow. Welcome to November, the month where Quade-like dudes like me get really embarrassed explaining why we aren’t growing mustaches. I skipped shaving the upper lip for about four days, and I look like a high school sophomore. LINE UP, LADIES.

Your tips are as appreciated as Jim Essian’s next campaign trail, likely in 2016.

  • Dolan already wrote all you need to know about Renteria (it’s not a long article). I begrudgingly like the hire. Of course, I also liked the Baker, Quade, and Sveum hires. And I made up this website when the hired Piniella. So what the fuck do I know?
  • For those three of you enjoying the Best Bad Cubs list, this is sort of like that, except these guys are pretty good.
  • What are the odds that Moreland was asked to leave? By Pat Hughes? I’d say pretty solid.
  • If you quit baseball and no one realizes it, did you really quit? (HT: Jim)
  • LaTroy Hawkins does something good for once in his horrible life.
  • Ha ha! The Cardinals announcers are dumb.
  • I remember the days when I had too much time on my hands. (HT: level5)
  • All work and no play makes Woody a dull toy.
  • Benedict Cumberbatch can do anything. And Harrison Ford is so confused. Can we, as a nation, agree to euthanize him?
  • True story. I did stand-up with Pete Holmes once when he was getting his start in Chicago, and he was fucking hilarious. Here he is doing something hilarious. Watch his show, because he’s an awesome dude.
  • Calling it THE Ohio State is beyond obnoxious, but this is one of the best halftime shows I’ve ever seen.
  • More music! Thirty-seven minutes of Weird Al’s polkas. (HT: TEC)
  • NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Banana spiders. (HT: EnricoPallazzo)
  • YOUR AWESOME CLIP OF THE WEEK: The original Star Wars trailer intercut with bloopers. Incidentally, get your shit together Star Wars trailer. At first, you said this could all be happening “right now.” But then you said it’s a story a billion years in the making. And, of course, the crawl says a long time ago. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS???