The Muskbox is Hungover


I urinate wherever I choose!

Friday night games won’t interfere with MY schedule.

The final Muskbox of 2012 is mercifully short. Like the Cubs’ 2012 playoff run, Bears fans’ patience, and Dale Sveum’s Book of Interesting Stories. Maybe the Muskbox celebrated a bit too hard during the holiday season. Maybe the normal Muskbox submitters all got new computers for Christmas and will spend the next month figuring out how to turn them on. Maybe there are only so many questions one can ask in the offseason about a 100-loss team that figures to be phenomenally dull in 2013. Whatever the case may be, enjoy the abbreviated Muskbox.

Do you think the Cubs dropped the ball by not signing Anibal Sanchez? He certainly would have been a great signing for the rotation going forward.
– Jason C., Aurora, Colo.

“Dropped the ball”! HILARIOUS!

CARRIE: Sanchez would’ve been a nice addition, but instead the Cubs have reportedly signed Edwin Jackson. Let’s compare their stats.

“I have to stretch this article to at least 500 words.”

CARRIE: Since Jackson joined the White Sox at the July 31, 2010, Trade Deadline…

What an arbitrary starting point.

CARRIE: …he has gone 26-22 with a 3.80 ERA and 1.31 WHIP in 74 starts (464 1/3 innings, two complete games) and averaged 7.6 strikeouts per nine innings. Teams have hit .264 against him. In that same span, Sanchez has gone 22-28 with a 3.79 ERA and 1.28 WHIP in 75 starts (462 2/3 innings, four complete games) and averaged 8.5 strikeouts per nine for the Marlins and Tigers. Teams have hit .257 against him. Jackson turned 29; Sanchez turns 29 in February.

Very similar, right?

And Sanchez had a traveling secretary named Jackson, and Jackson had a traveling secretary named Sanchez!

CARRIE: Sanchez eventually signed with the Tigers for five years, $80 million. Jackson reportedly has agreed to a four-year, $52 million deal. It appears the Cubs did well. Jackson has played for six teams in the last five years, but he may have been a victim of circumstances. He changed agents last July, leaving Scott Boras for Legacy Sports. Perhaps teams felt he was difficult to sign.

He dumped Scott Boras? I like him already.

With Scott Baker coming off Tommy John surgery, is he expected to be ready for Opening Day? If not, who are the options to hold his spot in the rotation? A free agent? Brooks Raley and Chris Rusin? Maybe Michael Bowden, who has been starting in the winter leagues?
– Mike M., Rockville, Md.

Of all the silly questions to ask about the 2013 Cubs, asking about the rotation options is the silliest. The Cubs have 37 starting pitchers on their 40-man roster.

CARRIE: Baker says he’ll be ready, but the Cubs also have stocked up on extra arms in case he isn’t.

They still have parts of Mark Prior’s and Kerry Wood’s arms on ice.

CARRIE: Besides Jackson, the Cubs have reportedly signed free agent Carlos Villanueva, which means the list of starting pitchers would include Baker, Jackson, Jeff Samardzija, Matt Garza, Scott Feldman, Travis Wood and possibly Arodys Vizcaino.

2013 is going to be SO, SO GOOD.

What are the Cubs going to do about the starting third baseman for Opening Day? Are they going to make a trade, and if so, who will they trade for?
– Robert C., Huntington, Ind.

Alex Rodriguez.

CARRIE: The Cubs are hoping Ian Stewart is healthy after undergoing wrist surgery last July and signed him Dec. 17 to a one-year deal.

They’re the only ones hoping that.

CARRIE: He felt good enough to work on his hitting with Hall of Famer Rod Carew recently…

I think I’d take Carew right now over Stewart.

CARRIE: …and has continued his late-night Twitter conversations with fans.

Is the fact that Stewart is trolling for ass on Twitter late at night supposed to make me feel better?

Please explain why the Cubs do not play any home Friday night games when every other Major League team does. I am of the opinion this could be very helpful later in the season when the temperatures and humidity get very high.
– James S., Amboy, Ill.

And when Jeff Samardzija gets very high.

CARRIE: Wrigleyville residents have said no to Friday night games because of the potential traffic and parking conflict between Cubs fans and people returning to the neighborhood from work.

I thought people who live in Wrigleyville don’t work.

CARRIE The heat and humidity aren’t the problem, it’s lack of sleep when the players arrive in Chicago late Thursday from a road trip and have an early start Friday for a day game. In looking at the 2013 schedule, it appears that was taken into consideration.

It only took them 25 years to figure that out.

CARRIE: The only time it could be a problem is when the Cubs play in Oakland on July 4, then at Wrigley Field on July 5 vs. the Pirates.

Plus, Starlin Castro wants to stay up late to watch the fireworks.

  • Andy

    How is it that Carrie is asked a direct question about third base and neither you or your bunheaded girlfriend can remind the insight seeking reader that Luis Valbuena is on the case?

  • Easy-e

    That is god to great. I checked s bunch and There IT IS!!!!

    • http://hirejimessian.com BadKermit

      This is baffling.

      • EnricoPallazzo

        what don’t you get? s bunch is clearly right there.

  • Shooter

    “I thought people who live in Wrigleyville don’t work.”

    Clearly, only on Fridays.