More like Mr. Akin.

If you are a Jim Hendry hire in the Chicago Cubs front office, you might want to start bringing a tote box to work. Just in case. The Theocracy fired six scouts this week. Hopefully, all of the ones who said Felix Pie was awesome.

This is probably wildly inaccurate, but when I think of Hendry’s scouts, I picture the scene early in Moneyball when Brad Pitt is listening to all these old scouts saying dumb things about “the good face.” Hell, maybe it’s wildly accurate.

Your tips are as appreciated as a good old-fashioned front office housecleaning.

  • In former Cub news, both Mark Prior and Cesar Izturis are probably running out of chances.
  • Nice grab, eh?
  • I don’t blame Melky Cabrera. HJE is just an elaborate long con to get me out of the future theft of Ryan Dempster’s family jewels.
  • Jeff Kent vs. Blair. FINALLY coming next month.
  • The Cubs are bad! And you should feel bad for watching them! (HT: level5) Sorry if you have to sign up for the Tribune’s site, as they remain utterly clueless about this “internet” thing. Also, sorry about Rosenbloom. Sorry about everything about this link, frankly.
  • Ladies love Cool J. Burglars, on the other hand, do not. (HT: Daniel)
  • I’m a sucker for people who troll from the afterlife.
  • As an embarrassingly-slow reader, I’m glad all books aren’t like this one.
  • Gremlins truly are history’s worst monster.
  • The difficult part of this study was finding a weightlifter who HADN’T just watched porn.
  • I’m nimtopsical!
  • Even if you think Olivia Munn is played out, she’s still hot, and the trailer for Ghost Tits is hilarious. (SFW, except for the use of the word “tits”)
  • Bill Fucking Murray!
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Todd Akin, enjoy your ill-gotten, hilarious celebrity.
  • YOUR AWESOME CLIP OF THE WEEK: Some awesome choices here, but how to you pick a threat clip from Tombstone that isn’t the “Hell’s coming with me!” speech? (NSFW language)