Darth Maul, Chancellor Palpatine, and Darth Vader.

Picture courtesy of BigLeagueStew. In his Texas Ranger debut last night, Ryan Dempster got hilariously roughed up to the tune of eight runs in fewer than five innings. At least one American League scout thinks he sucks, saying, “To me, he’s a fourth or fifth starter in the National League.” That’s awesome. Why still sour grapes, even after the Cubs traded Dempster? Because fuck him, that’s why.

Your tips are as appreciated as Dempster pitching the Rangers right of the American League postseason.

  • Call me crazy, but I find choreographed umpire arguments to be terribly lame and about as funny as Ryan Dempster. You suck, Joe Mikulik.
  • So, apparently, these Dempster “rumors” were all real. Read from the bottom up. (HT: Dolan)
  • And if you’re STILL not mad enough at Ryan Dempster, just look at this fucking cover for five seconds. Is that Darwin Barney with the red pepper Hitler mustache?
  • I’m sure it makes me a bad person to wish bad things on Joe West. But here’s an awesome bad thing that happened to Joe West. (HT: Pre) Also, Chip Caray is still a fucking idiot. West “might have” gotten hit? This makes me hate Carlos Lee just a little bit less than I did thirty seconds ago.
  • Curt Schilling is dumb, and that makes me laugh.
  • I wonder what Barry Bonds’ weight-loss regimen is. (HT: Matthew)
  • If you’re bored by the Olympics, I don’t blame you. Maybe this would help? (HT: CT)
  • I’m celebrating Sunday the way I celebrate every Sunday: in my underwear with a stein of beer.
  • Aw, I always miss the GOOD case studies!
  • George Lucas is the luckiest idiot on the planet. I mean, seriously. LOOK AT THIS SHIT.
  • Apple sucks.
  • Breaking Bad is one of the best shows on television because of…the hair, I guess. ManJaws made me laugh very loudly.
  • Why’s it gotta be a WHITE flag, racists?
  • Now if only someone can come up with a way to cause morning sickness without having to have a baby… (HT: EnricoPallazzo) Yes, there’s an abortion joke available, but I’m not going to take it.
  • You’ve been THUNDERSTRUCK! (HT: EnricoPallazzo)
  • TWEET OF THE WEEK: Here are a bunch of Twitter feeds that will allegedly make you less dumb.
  • NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Oh, hi, terrifying Clown Congress. (HT: JerBear50) Or how about a bug that EATS PIRANHAS??? (HT: St. Patrick)