I assume all of you are on a bus with Dave Kaplan headed toward Cooperstown and Ron Santo’s well-deserved Hall of Fame enshrinement. I hope Vicky Santo points out what a bunch of assholes the voters are before flipping the double bird, clicking her heels together, and walking off the stage. It’s all for you, Ronnie.

Your tips are as appreciated as 342 home runs by a third baseman.

• There have been a lot of terribly unfunny things that have happened at Wrigley Field (thanks almost exclusively to Ryan Dempster). But Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis reading the lineups the other day was easily the worst.
• The headline The Dark Knight Rises needs. Also, the Colorado shooting was senseless, evil, and horrible. I don’t feel like you need me to tell you that.
• All 50 shades are, apparently, awful.
• How this list missed “dry-erase board” is beyond me.
• If you’re not watching Breaking Bad, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? But don’t fret. If you don’t want to go through the awesome exercise of watching the first four seasons, here they are, all condensed for you. (SPOILERS, obviously. Idiot.)
• The most inspirational video you’ll see of John Kruk eating ribs all day. (HT: St. Patrick)
  
• TWEET OF THE WEEK: Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup.
• NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: This giant scaleworm will eat your sleep.
• SITE OF THE WEEK: You Chose Wrong is a Tumblr of all the different ways you could die in the Choose Your Own Adventure series.
• YOUR AWESOME CLIP OF THE WEEK: Darth Vader has a conversation with his twelve-year-old self.