These Guys Put the Heavy in Heavy Hundred


Mike Wilbon has really cleaned up his act!

Much of sports radio is a masturbatorium of self-congratulations, pandering, and fake awe for the “giants” of the game. In reality, most of these guys are idiots saying idiot things. Need proof? The website Talkers.com (brilliant) put together a list of the most important sports talk radio hosts in America, and THIS is the best they could come up with.

Here are some “high”lights:

1. MIKE FRANCESA The most important sports talk radio host in the country has never been wrong. Not once. Just ask him. And, on those rare occasions when you’re too stupid to realize how right he is, he can always change history and lie about predictions he made ON THE AIR.

2. JIM ROME Rome is the radio equivalent. Of. The Sports Guy. They were both supposed to be young. And hip. And relevant. And they were both unlikable. And tired. And had terrible shticks. That were unwelcome. After only a short while. Pregnant. Pauses. Create dramatic. Effects. Even when I’m not really. Saying. ANYTHING.

3. DAN PATRICK Just run for office, already, so I can hate you in two different arenas.

6. MIKE GREENBERG & MIKE GOLIC Greenberg is the only person alive who doesn’t think “you act like a game show host” is an insult. And even as a Notre Dame football fan, I can offer no defense for Golic’s pandering. Of all the radio shows I’ve ever heard, no show comes closer to the verbal diarrhea parodied by The SimpsonsKBBL radio.

8. TONY KORNHEISER How the fuck do you get fired from Monday Night Football? They voluntarily hired Trent Dilfer, for fuck’s sake.

16. TERRY BOERS & DAN BERNSTEIN Chicago, the third-biggest sports market in the country, finally has an entry. Despite all the insults I’ve lobbed at B&B, I’ve probably listened to these two dopes more than any other show in Chicago. That’s my bad. Let’s just leave Boers out of this discussion entirely. He adds absolutely nothing to the show. 99% of the time, he’s just a yes-man to Bernstein’s tired soapboxing. But that’s probably wise. The other 1% of the time, when he actually disagrees with Bernstein, he’s exposed as an absolute dolt. Let’s turn to Bernstein. I suspect he thinks he’s the smartest sports radio host in Chicago. Probably even the country. One of the definitive signs of a true intellect is intelligent discourse. How can one invite intelligent discourse, when he declares OPINIONS different than his own to be wrong? He can’t. The best radio show in Chicago is tedious. When B&B aren’t turning your stomach with their combative approach to their callers, they’re railing over and over and OVER about concussions in football. Seriously. 60% of that show is now dedicated to those two yahoos having the same argument about concussions. How do you even “argue” it? Concussions are bad. Football is dangerous. Your show is pointless. Yawn.

22. Colin Cowherd Any one of you would have had more game if you ever had the opportunity to talk to Kate Upton. At least you would have done enough research to know if and where she went to college. He’s a misogynistic blowhard and–let’s just assume–a terrible human being.

23. John Jurkovic, Carmen DeFalco, & Harry Teinowitz I didn’t hate the Carmen and Silvy show. And, for a total idiot, Jurko isn’t that bad. But, God dammit, how a man with the voice of Harry Teinowitz ever ended up in radio is a mystery right up until the moment that you see a picture of Harry Teinowitz.

43. Dan McNeil & Matt Spiegel These two idiots have the worst show on Chicago radio, and it’s really not even close. McNeil considers himself a musical connoisseur, but has he ever said anything more insightful than, “The Stones and The Who are pretty good, right???” When he’s not likening himself to a dumber Dan McNeil, Spiegel fancies himself the sports version of Weird Al. Fuck you. I wrote this in an hour without a team of interns, and I’ll put it up against “Tony Campana”, sung OH-SO-CLEVERLY to the tune of “Copacabana” any day. One of my biggest issues with this horseshit show is how little time they actually spend talking about sports. I accidentally tuned in about a month ago, and they spent a half hour running a salty snack draft. Compelling. You fucking idiots.

58. Tom Waddle & Mark Silverman If these two didn’t have such a horrible time slot, I’d listen to them more often. They don’t take themselves too seriously, which is probably good, because neither does anyone else. When it comes to football, Waddle is solid, and when Silvy isn’t insanely slapping his couch, he’s usually pretty fair about the Cubs. They certainly deserved better than being ranked below McNeil.

93. Rob Dibble & Amy Van Dyken Are you serious? I’ve never listened to this show, but the odds are 100% that Dibble has, at one point, made a terribly offensive dyke joke.

100. Joe Morgan They gave Joe Morgan his own radio show??? Ha ha ha! It’s hilarious, because no one will even partner up with him. THAT’S how bad Joe Morgan is on the radio. And his show is TWO HOURS LONG. If you want to listen to it, go here. Also, if you want to listen to it, please leave this site and never, ever come back.

UNRANKED – Mike Mulligan & Brian Hanley What the fuck? Hanley is useless, but Mulligan is arguably the best host in the city. If McNeil and Spiegel are going to show on the list, these two should be in the top 20.

Eh. This list sucks, I don’t think there’s a cash prize for getting the “honor,” and now I don’t care anymore.

  • Black Mark Grace

    So that’s where Leo Mazzone is these days…

  • dying_diehard

    What – no link to a picture of Tinowitz?

  • dying_diehard

    And to apologize for that insult to your eyes – this also came up in a “Harry Tinowitz” google image search.¬† I’m interested in the logic that connects those two.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BYGFBZJETSA5NVUFWW4XGQR2AQ JerBear50

    They’re almost all bad, but I really hate Mike and Mike. Their contrived banter just turns my stomach. “Hey Golic…” “Hey Greenieeee” Fuck you both and die.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_BYGFBZJETSA5NVUFWW4XGQR2AQ JerBear50

      Oh, and as for Tom Waddle on NFL network, am I the only one hoping he’ll eventually pick up a chair and beat Jamie Dukes to death for being an abrasive, obnoxious¬†asshole?