Friday Roundup: The “Nobody Beats the Rizz!” Edition


‘Et’s ‘o ‘Ubs!

Rejoice! Anthony Rizzo has finally arrived. I sort of feel like, at .375, he should quit while he’s ahead. It was fun seeing the kid debut with St. Patrick and Pre, and it was ESPECIALLY fun seeing not one, but TWO Rizzo jerseys. Already. It’s literally the total opposite of the wise adage that you should wait until a guy is dead before you buy his jersey.

Your tips are as appreciated as a dead Mark Grace jersey.

  • Bill Murray is awesome. Were you not aware of that yet?
  • I should have gone into criminal defense of former athletes. It seems really fucking easy. (HT: Pre)
  • Everyone Loves Ozzie. Or, the opposite.
  • Marlon Byrd. Off gluten. On steroids.
  • Go, Voyager! Go! Go! (HT: level5)
  • Gary Oldman acts against acting athletes. (HT: St. Patrick)
  • Your girlfriend may be a retard(ant).
  • Where were you when Nickelodeon buried their time capsule? I was at home, pissed off that my parents didn’t have cable TV.
  • Where was the .sucks domain when Dusty was still the manager?
  • After its debut last week, Futurama retook its throne as one of the best things on TV. Here are 25 things you might not know about it. Prepare to be sad when you get to the part about Seymour. Also, Stephen Hawking is awesome.
  • The news is creepy.
  • Back to Futurama. Some of these things were said by an egomaniacal, delusional buffoon who owns his own spaceship, and the others were said by Zapp Brannigan.
  • If you’ve never even SEEN Futurama, what is wrong with you? Here are arguably the 10 best episodes so far.
  • The Skylon is more sci-fi than anything in Total Recall.
  • Speaking of sci-fi (and amazing segues), here are some sci-fi pulp fiction covers.
  • I want to party with these guys.
  • Learn something, ya dopes.
  • Louis CK is single-handedly proving how stupid and unnecessary things like DRM and ticket “service” fees are.
  • Does anyone want to buy a used copy of Kingdom of the Crystal Skull in three months?
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: White Whine. (HT: Santo10)
  • YOUR AWESOME OLD MOVIE CLIP OF THE WEEK: Yes, the Total Recall reboot will have a three-breasted hooker. Hooray!