They Called Me a FOOL for Drafting LaHair Over Pujols 7

That pose looks really familiar.

A lot of the things I was hoping would happen during the 2012 season are happening. Marlon Byrd is gone. Ryan Dempster is pitching his way right off the Cubs. Starlin Castro is proving that he’s just going to keep hitting. Darwin Barney is way less annoying this year. Pat Hughes got to honor Ron Santo by yelling, “Back to back jacks!” last night. Dale Sveum hasn’t done anything overtly stupid so far.

I know everyone is aware that Bryan LaHair has been the best hitter in the city since the start of the 2012 season, but, holy shit, has anyone really looked at his stats? If Matt Kemp weren’t so determined to prove that he was screwed out of the 2011 NL MVP by the bug-eyed, herpes-riddled weirdo from the North, Bryan LaHair would be the best hitter on the planet right now. He’s already less disappointing than Carlos Pena, and he’s helping me ignore the fact that Carlos Zambrano is good again.

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate one of the (only?) fun stories about the 2012 Cubs. LaHair’s numbers are below, with his MLB (not National League) rankings in parenthesis:

H: 31 (30)
2B: 9 (10)
HR: 8 (8)
RBI: 17 (36)
BB: 15 (22)
AVG: .388 (3)
OBP: .479 (3)
SLG: .800 (2)
OPS: 1.279 (2)

And, regarding those counting stats, LaHair is not only putting up these ridiculous numbers on the Cubs, but he’s also done it in about 20 fewer at-bats than a lot of the guys ahead of him. If you project LaHair’s at-bats out to a 600-AB season, he’s on pace to hit 60 home runs and drive in 128 runs.

He won’t. And you’re still pretty stupid if you bought a “LAHAIR” shirsey. But it was no secret that I was down on LaHair. I didn’t expect him to hit 8 home runs all SEASON. If you’re watching the Cubs as infrequently as I have been, they’re actually more fun to watch than their record would make them appear.

See? I’m not always bitter and negative.

  • [expletive deleted]

    LaHair’s BABIP is a wholly unsustainable .535. If we’re really lucky, he’ll keep up something close to this pace into early July and Hoyerstein will trade him for something useful before his performance completely falls off the cliff.

    • It’s totally sustainable as long as he just keeps hitting the ball into the seats.

  • Ryan Beariot

    Random question: I bought good seats for Saturday’s game at Milwaukee (because I’m trying to see all the MLB ballparks before I die, not because I give a crap about the Brewers or the Cubs this year.)

    What do I yell at Braun when he’s jogging in from Left Field? Just the word “Valtrex” over and over? Or is there a better suggestion?

    • I don’t know the protocol on heckling a guy in his own park as a visiting fan, but I usually just go with the moment.  I once asked Victor Diaz if he wanted me to buy him a hot dog.  It wasn’t even really heckling, but he reacted to it.

      • Ryan Beariot

         I’m debating just yelling “you’re a disgrace to baseball” at some point.  Nice, succinct, and true!

      • Santo10

        I asked Aaron Miles if he met the height requirement for MLB and he told me he did when he stood on his wallet. Which I thought was a pretty good response.  Then my brother responded with “We’ll see you in Iowa”, and he got mad an walked away. 

  • Today it’s a pro-LaHair article, tomorrow it’s season tickets in the bleachers.