If you have DirecTV, you might have already noticed: a pissing match between the CEOs of DirecTV and Tribune Broadcasting has escalated so that all Tribune Broadcasting stations, including WGN-TV and WGN America, have been pulled from DirecTV. For suckers like me, all it meant was a trip to Best Buy to purchase an HD antenna. For many others, it will just mean not being able to watch the Cubs when they open at home Thursday against Washington.
I take no side in this negotiation-gone-bad. But, DirecTV’s “bug” of not carrying WGN might be more of a feature. Let me propose this ad to fit into DirecTV’s “Get Rid of Cable” campaign:
If you have cable, you could watch WGN-TV.
When you can watch WGN-TV, you watch the home opener.
When you watch the home opener, you watch Ryan Dempster pitch in the home opener.
When you watch Ryan Dempster pitch in the home opener, you start having homicidal thoughts.
When you start having homicidal thoughts, you say them out loud.
When you say homicidal thoughts out loud, your co-workers avoid you.
When your co-workers avoid you, you wind up getting fired.
When you wind up getting fired, you do what the other 15 percent who aren’t working do.
When you do what the other 15 percent do, you go to Wrigley Field and sit in the left field bleachers.
When you sit in the left field bleachers, you meet Al Yellon.
When you meet Al Yellon, you decide to become a White Sox fan.
When you decide to become a White Sox fan, you watch the White Sox on TV.
When you watch the White Sox on TV at home, you have to listen to Hawk Harrelson and Steve Stone.
When you have to listen to Hawk Harrelson and Steve Stone, you decide you need to watch White Sox games at a bar with other White Sox fans so you do not have to listen to Hawk Harrelson and Steve Stone.
When you watch White Sox games at a bar with other White Sox fans, you become friends with White Sox fans from Alsip.
When you become friends with White Sox fans from Alsip, you learn how to use and cook cystal methamphetamine.
When you learn how to use and cook crystal methamphetamine, you become a meth head.
Don’t become a meth head. Get rid of Cable and upgrade to DirecTV.
Call 1-800-DirecTV today.
