I'm living the life I want!

So, some “information” has been brought to me that is far too hilarious to keep to myself. Let’s get the standard disclaimers out of the way. THIS IS PROBABLY NOT TRUE. THIS IS BROUGHT TO ME THROUGH “FRIENDS OF FRIENDS” WHO “KNOW PEOPLE” THAT ARE “IN THE ORGANIZATION.” I will also point out in advance to Ryan Braun’s crack legal team that “truth” is an ironclad defense against any allegations of libel. And, let’s be honest, asking me to take this post down basically proves its truth. It’s like when nude photos of a starlet get leaked and they freak out about trying to get them taken down. You’re just calling MORE attention to your fantastic ass, Blake Lively.

WITH ALL OF THAT SAID, does Ryan Braun have herpes?

The Brewers are, ALLEGEDLY, pretty confident that Braun is going to beat the “prohibited substance” wrap. Why? Because, FAKE, TOTALLY MADE-UP RUMORS are swirling that Braun tested positive for herpes, and the totally-acceptable and legal medication given to him by his doctor caused the positive test. Note that Braun has not yet issued an official statement about the test results. Note that Mark Attanasio was quick to point out that Braun tested positive for a “prohibited substance,” not a PED. Note also that Attanasio said, “Ryan has issued a statement that there are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case that will support his complete innocence and demonstrate that there was absolutely no intentional violation of the program.”

If it eventually comes out that The Herp is the reason Braun tested positive, it’s obviously better than steroids for the Brewers, but it’s far more hilarious for us. Oh, how I cannot WAIT for the chants. “MVP! STD! MVP! STD!”

Thank you, anonymous tipster! Thank you SO MUCH.