Hire Jim Essian

Happy Nerd New Year to you all! Presumably, you're celebrating with an 18-hour Skyrim marathon session, followed by falling asleep on the couch watching your old Dr. Who laserdiscs. And, for that, I salute you as Spock would. I embrace your nerdiness, for I am one of you. And if anyone wants to buy me a copy of Skyrim, I'll be even MORE one of you. The only things bad about being nerds are TDubbs and The Big Bang Theory.

There was a time not so long ago when Adam Dunn was a legitimate threat to use a baseball bat to make contact with a baseball. A simpler time, when Dunn was a National League player forced to run around uncomfortably in the infield or outfield with a glove on his hand. A time when Dunn would positively VORP your face off, even as radio callers would complain about his copious strikeouts and "three possible outcomes" approach to hitting. It was in this far simpler time that the man who would become the 19th-biggest Cub Killer of My Time was born.

Paul Konerko has long been the most popular member of the White Sox. And why not? Sure, he looks like a record-store clerk, but he can hit, and he allegedly help the White Sox to a World Series title in 2005. Plus, the overweight female population alone has kept XXL Konerko jerseys in huge demand. His fans' jerseys, however, aren't the only thing XXL about Konerko's career. The first baseman's career numbers against the Cubs earned him the 20th spot on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

One of my favorite parts of the Muskbox is the teaser question that introduces the article. They are rarely actual sentences, and they can almost always be answered with one word. That word is usually “nope.” This week’s teaser is no exception. “Loyalty a factor in manager search?” “Nope.” To elaborate on that, the Cubs no longer have an idiot running the baseball operations. This week’s Muskbox tackles that controversial question and more! Let the dumbening begin!

First, Mike Quade gets fired from doing the Friday Roundup. Then, he gets fired from managing the Cubs. What a horrible few weeks he's having. It's time to right the wrong of not hiring a man who was in the Cubs' organization in the '80s and '90s. A man who would certainly be willing to forget the Cubs' past transgressions for passing him over for manager time and again. That man is Jim Essian. RIGHT THAT WRONG, THEO!

It looks like Al Yellon isn't the only one baffled by everything that has to do with the corporate world. "THESE CUBICLES ARE MAZES OF MYSTERY AND INTRIGUE!!!" Some other dope in this week's Muskbox can't fathom how there can be a president AND a general manager. IT'S AS THOUGH THEY ARE TRYING TO DIVIDE THE LABOR ... Read More

Considering that everyone has been talking about Mike Quade's replacement since the hiring of Theo Epstein, it was really no surprise that today the Cubs announced that the bald incompetent won't be back next season. (HT: Pre) Quade did more than enough goofy, nigh-indefensible things this season to merit his dismissal, and his reign as Cubs manager was ... Read More