Hire Jim Essian

Sportswriters everywhere have their wet dream story of the day, as Tony "The Genius" La Russa has retired from baseball. (HT: Ned Ryerson) You're bound to see a lot of flowery language about the legacy that La Russa gave to the game. A written love-fest to one of the biggest assholes in the game of baseball. ... Read More

This is a frightening edition of the Roundup, but, let's be honest. There's nothing more frightening than the fact that the Rangers blew 800 saves last night, meaning they're going to lose by a thousand runs tonight. Whatever. We got Epstein now. More zombie pumpkin photos can be found here. Your tips are as appreciated as a ... Read More

As Theo Epstein Week continues, two things have occurred: I feel absolutely terrible for Jed Hoyer. He's a damn good general manager. Has anyone seen HIM at Starbucks? Has anyone stalked HIM and said creepy things about how they've been waiting for him for 103 years? Has anyone introduced HIM to Ronnie Woo-Woo? Steve Rosenbloom has declared the ... Read More

I already had a huge man-crush on Theo Epstein. But when I saw this AP photo of him meeting Ronnie fucking Woo-Woo, that crush grew to epic proportions. BEHOLD! First of all, thanks to Big League Stew and ESPN for providing the photo. Second of all, Theo's expression is perfect. THAT is the expression I want my front office ... Read More

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At long last, Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer are officially official, and you can stop worrying that the Cubs would discover some way to screw up their hiring. The MLB can also stop worrying that the "contentious negotiations" between the Cubs and the Red Sox was distracting everyone from watching the World Series. This is how stupid Bud ... Read More

There is an article on the Sun-Times' site that @rvmcd posted this morning that I was tempted to fisk. But then, I started reading it, and I'm pretty sure it is nigh-unfiskable. It is the stupidest article I have ever read. Perhaps because it was written by a man who doesn't know what boos are. Behold! That’s ... Read More

Was all of Dwight Gooden's 16-season MLB career reality, or was it just a figment of the imagination in the drug-addled mind of a user? No, it was reality. A reality that Cubs fans would just as soon forget. He grew up in a Tampa, Florida town, had a good-looking mama, and a papa who was around. ... Read More

The World Series is finally upon us. There are only 4-7 baseball games left in the 2011 season before you have to accept the reality that is the Chicago Bears. Tonight, Chris Carpenter will take the hill for the St. Louis Cardinals against C.J. Wilson. I'd like to take a moment to send my sincerest wishes for ... Read More

The Muskbox rarely promises things to us commoners. All we're guaranteed is the occasional laugh, the frequent facepalm, and the knowledge of new places across the globe like...Terre Haute? But this week's Muskbox brings the promise of more frequent Muskboxes! It's the gift that keeps on giving, even when you desperately wish it would stop so you ... Read More