Hire Jim Essian

It's going to be a sporadic week for posting, as I unexpectedly have to head out of town on Wednesday. But what sort of Hire Jim Essian would this be if I didn't acknowledge August 29 as the 42nd anniversary of the day the Philadelphia Phillies took a chance on an Armenian lad named James Sarkis Essian? On ... Read More

The Comment of the Week comes from the Muskbox, which is a gold mine of comments from not only stupid questioners, but also the HJE faithful. This week's comment has a little of both! In regards to one of the Muskbox questions, Eric commented as follows: "I was at the Cubs game Aug. 9 in Pittsburgh. In the first inning, Darwin ... Read More

So, if you've been paying attention to the NFL preseason, you poor, poor bastard. If you're a Bears fan, you might want to consult the chart to pick a different team. Me? I'll still be rooting for the Bears, you goddamn sellout. Your tips are as appreciated as three wins per season over the Packers. If you're on Craigslist, ... Read More

Surely, you remember Preston Wilson. His hair was kinda- I don't know- brown. Well, not really brown. Oh, he's tall. Yeah. Kinda- kinda tall. Sorta tall. And he's always wearing- like- t-shirts. I mean, he's Preston. PRESTON. You know? Preston. Press-TONE! And he's the 29th biggest Cub ... Read More

As you're all aware by now, on Sunday night Bobby Valentine went on a 7-minute tirade about what a lazy player Starlin Castro is when compared to Darwin Barney. Yes, it looked terrible when Castro was facing the third-base line as Jeff Samardzija delivered a pitch. But then Bobby went off the deep end for a lot of ... Read More

When I saw there was a new Muskbox, I naturally assumed it would be filled with questions about the future of Carlos Zambrano. If there's one thing the Muskbox can do, however, it's surprise you. There's not a single damn thing in this week's Muskbox about Zambrano. What a helpful feature! Have you heard anything to suggest the ... Read More

Well, it's still Jim Hendry day, and old Jim made a few good moves during his time. No question, however, the two best moves he made were (1) trading Bobby Hill, Matt (hee hee!) Bruback, and Jose Hernandez to the Pittsburgh Pirates for Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton; and (2) trading Hee Seop Choi to the Florida Marlins for ... Read More

Well, it's been a busy day! There was the news of Jim Hendry being fired a month ago, and there was a walkoff win for the Chicago Cubs against their biggest opponent... THEIR OWN SELF-CONFIDENCE. It's a good bet that to win the Sporadic Comment of the Week competition, you should just agree with everything Kermit says, which is exactly what ... Read More

First of all, I'm taking over this Roundup, seeing as how I'm sick of Uncle Mike. And the whole goddamn franchise, for that matter. But that same franchise actually did something proactive today. Jim Hendry is finally out as Cubs GM. After the trade deadline. And the draft. This ownership is so fucking stupid. ... Read More

As good as John Smoltz was throughout the course of his 21-season MLB career, he'll always be remembered for being even better in the playoffs. Specifically, for Game 7 of the 1991 World Series, during which only a superhuman effort from Jack Morris led to a Minnesota Twins victory over Smoltz's Atlanta Braves. The game is regarded as ... Read More