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Uncle Mike’s Friday BROWSing: The “Last-Place SHOWDOWN!” Edition

What happens if the bottle goes missing?

As awful as we’ve been this year, somehow the Astros are significantly worse. And that’s hilarious, because Houston sucks and no one should live there. Or, if you’re from Houston, I LOVE that town! And everything is totally okay with our team, and I just flat-out love life! Your tips are as appreciated as the sugar-coating that I glaze over every single post-game press conference!

  • Can someone please explain this article to Gordon Wittenmyer?
  • If anyone could somehow launch himself into the stands on his 3,000th hit, it’s Derek Jeter.
  • If you couldn’t read that previous article, you’re probably smart enough to have installed this. (HT: BigLeagueStew)
  • There’s “unassuming,” and there’s just sort of sad. I’M SAD!
  • Morans Guy finally speaks! (HT: Ned Ryerson)
  • HJE makes you stoopud! (HT: Swaz46)
  • Final frames from movies.
  • I’m a big animal lover, but if sharks get to eat us when we go in the water, I feel we’re entitled to eat them when they land on our boats. (HT: EnricoPallazzo)
  • Speaking of sharks, it’s ALWAYS Shark Week on my computer.
  • You may think this guy is just a plain idiot, but to be fair, he was SUPER-high when he called.
  • Weird Al is still awesome.
  • Poor Sean Bean. SPOILERS AHOY!
  • Ten deleted scenes that would’ve ruined the film. Some of these are insane. Yes, of COURSE George Lucas is involved.
  • Though I couldn’t stand him on SNL, I appreciate what Jimmy Fallon has done to represent geeks on late-night television, and I find Justin Timberlake to be a pretty damn funny dude who loves life. I was JUST made aware of these two videos, which are awesome. Who knew Fallon could sing?

  • TWEET OF THE WEEK: I was unaware of @BirdsonBats06 until the Morans Guy article linked above. It’s awesome. See?
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: How to Be a Retronaut

Get ready for a weekend filled with high-quality baseball, folks. The battle for the bottom of the NL Central begins today!
-Uncle Mike