As a Cubs fan, you'll probably recognize the last two.

I sure hope you guys enjoyed our brief stay at .500. Because the Rockies are actually kind of good. Oh, and we’re still missing 40% of our starting rotation. And Jeff Samardzija is still on the team. Pitching in Colorado should be F-U-N!

But the big news of the week is Barry Bonds managing to avoid a perjury charge. And this is why I’ve always said that there’s no point in trying to be just and fair in this world. Because justice doesn’t exist and there’s nothing but DOOOOOM in this crazy, sad world. Or, wait, maybe I haven’t said that. But, still, I hope Bonds gets creamed by a train.

Your tips are as appreciated as a hung jury.

That’s all for me, kids. Enjoy your freedom this weekend like you’re a regular Barry Bonds! At least until you have to pay your taxes on Monday.
-Uncle Mike