I sure hope you guys enjoyed our brief stay at .500. Because the Rockies are actually kind of good. Oh, and we’re still missing 40% of our starting rotation. And Jeff Samardzija is still on the team. Pitching in Colorado should be F-U-N!

But the big news of the week is Barry Bonds managing to avoid a perjury charge. And this is why I’ve always said that there’s no point in trying to be just and fair in this world. Because justice doesn’t exist and there’s nothing but DOOOOOM in this crazy, sad world. Or, wait, maybe I haven’t said that. But, still, I hope Bonds gets creamed by a train.

Your tips are as appreciated as a hung jury.

• Kevin Gregg still sucks.
• And speaking of former Cub pitchers.
• Screw the Billy Goat. It’s the Curse of Manny Ramirez!
• Even Matt Garza’s STARTS are crazy!
• How much do you suppose the guys at the four-letter (does that place even still exist?) miss SAM FULD! now? (HT: JerBear50)
• Jose Canseco is still crazy, tubby, a manager. (HT: Derrick)
• Karl Pilkington has his own wiki.
• Get some art culture from the comfort of your own bean bag chair.
• The Penis Mightier!
• Hobo with a Shotgun delivers what it promises. And then some.
  
• I just started reading A Game of Thrones, and I’m already glad I did. Here are ten reasons why.
• Go fuck yourself.
• TWEET OF THE WEEK: Make up your own damn Tweet.
• FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Access Main Computer File has shots of movie computer screens. And it runs on Netscape!

That’s all for me, kids. Enjoy your freedom this weekend like you’re a regular Barry Bonds! At least until you have to pay your taxes on Monday.
-Uncle Mike