Hello, Cubs fans. Popeye here. I guess I’m supposed to tell you all what addresses you should read on the world wide web. Because I don’t have my own tribute location where I can keyboard in my OWN articles. Do you idiots even REMEMBER 1989? Ungrateful whipper snappers. I see here two ex-Cubs played major parts in losing games for the Cardinals and Brewers yesterday. I bet you all enjoyed that. It may be 20 years since I last wore a Cubs uniform, but I know little pukes like Theriot. Ever hear of a little guy named DOUG DASCENZO? No, seriously, have you? Because I have his name in my Rolodex, and I have no clue who he is. If you want to send me tips about the internet, you can fax them here.
- Bronson Arroyo must have been making out with Steve Stone.
- The Mets finally make a decent roster move.
- Jose Canseco stars in a wacky remake of The Parent Trap. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
- Your grandma has some strange tastes. And a really comfortable bed! BOOM.
- This dating site murderer/good intentions guy seems like a respectable fellow.
- Sand worms. You hate ‘em, right?
- PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT TO CARDINALS AND WHITE SOX FANS: Meth is bad.
- It’s a mad, virtual world. Especially for these poor saps.
- I’m sure you already put a bookmark into this page so you can sign up for fake girlfriend.
- Happy deathday, Mitch Hedberg.
- You’re wasting your time and effort chugging water, fatty.
- The people who infuriated you with QWOP are back with GIRP.
- Douglas Adams is back from beyond the grave.
- Gus Johnson calls great moments in history. And also, The Matrix. (HT: Swaz46)
- TWEET OF THE WEEK: So many spoof Twitter feeds are terrible, but @NotPhilRogers is so well done, you’ll think you’re actually reading Phil Rogers. That is, if it wasn’t for the fact that no one reads Phil Rogers.
- FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Clue DB gives you tips to simplify your life. I keep clicking through to find out about diapers.
Is that all I’m supposed to do? Do I turn the keyboard off, or what happens now? What’s this red “X” in the upper