What, was Altobelli busy?

EDITOR’S NOTE: In light of a new season starting today, in keeping with the theme of HJE, and because Uncle Mike is about as vanilla as Neapolitan ice cream without the chocolate and strawberry, we have a new Friday host! Be nice to him. He’s old.

Hello, Cubs fans. Popeye here. I guess I’m supposed to tell you all what addresses you should read on the world wide web. Because I don’t have my own tribute location where I can keyboard in my OWN articles. Do you idiots even REMEMBER 1989? Ungrateful whipper snappers. I see here two ex-Cubs played major parts in losing games for the Cardinals and Brewers yesterday. I bet you all enjoyed that. It may be 20 years since I last wore a Cubs uniform, but I know little pukes like Theriot. Ever hear of a little guy named DOUG DASCENZO? No, seriously, have you? Because I have his name in my Rolodex, and I have no clue who he is. If you want to send me tips about the internet, you can fax them here.

Is that all I’m supposed to do? Do I turn the keyboard off, or what happens now? What’s this red “X” in the upper