Color me surprised that the Ricketts family actually realized that it’s better to pay Carlos Silva $11.5M to NOT play for their team than to play for their team. After the Cubs cut the huge, gelatinous blob from the team, Silva continued making a strong case that maybe Milton Bradley WASN’T the biggest asshole in that trade. Certainly not physically, at least.

Silva promptly threw pitching coach Mark Riggins under the bus, saying:

��It�s very clear they knew what they were doing,�� said Silva, who thought it was ��weird�� last week when the Cubs scheduled him to back up Carlos Zambrano with a three-inning relief outing. ��I was like, �Something�s going on. Maybe they know who�s going to be the fifth starter.� .??.??. Don�t say people are competing for a spot because it wasn�t true. Nobody was competing for a spot. They already [had] their rotation decided. It was very clear.��

Fortunately, Andrew Cashner WON THE COMPETITION for the fifth-starter job. Perhaps because he sported a 4.41 spring ERA as opposed to Silva’s rotund 10.90.

Silva also indicated that he wouldn’t accept an assignment to the minor leagues:

��No chance,�� said Silva, whose veteran status allows him to refuse such an assignment. ��That�s not on my mind right now, not at all. I am not an insurance player, you know?��

That’s because no reasonable life insurance provider would take a chance on your huge fat ass. Silva went on to apparently threaten the organization.

“I get an opportunity for another team, [the Cubs] are going to be in a bad spot…”

“…unless that team is the Brewers, Cardinals, or Reds. Then, they’ll probably move up a spot in the NL Central, which isn’t so bad.”

Then, he takes Jim Hendry to task for making the mistake of giving Carlos the old, “It’s not you; it’s me” speech.

“I know I can pitch. I know what I can do. But they don�t know,” he said. “I talked to Jim this morning, and it�s very clear they think I can�t pitch anymore. He said, �If you get traded and you get an opportunity to pitch for another team and then you do good, then we�re [screwed].� If he says that, it�s because he doesn�t think I can pitch.”

Mostly because he can’t pitch. Presumably, Silva will be actively rooting against Andrew Cashner.

“Like they say, they don�t know what Cashner is going to do. So what are they doing?”

“Half an hour later, [Riggins] calls me into the hall,” said Silva, who criticized the Cubs� former minor-league coordinator for only telling him he didn�t have a roster spot after Silva rejected the idea of opening in the minors to build his sharpness. “He should start with that first, and then talk to me about [the options].”

So it’s not that he got cut, but HOW he got cut. Tune in to see the thrilling conclusion of this tantrum on next week’s episode of Glee.

“It�s like, if you�ve got to say something, be straight. .??.??. He has to learn he�s in the big leagues now. It�s not kids around here anymore.”

You can hardly tell, what with all the pissing and moaning. I wonder if Silva’s mom called Mike Quade and complained that her son wasn’t playing enough.

“If you�re here, you�ve been here long enough. And the way he laid it out, I don�t know what he�s trying to do.��

Ah, the classic, “I’m already in the club, so you CAN’T revoke my membership, no matter HOW shitty I am!” argument.

Good riddance, Carlos Silva. And cheers to the Ricketts for actually having the balls to eat his $11.5M. See? I’m fair with my compliments when they’re deserved.