Thank you to everyone who let me know that CRIMINALLY MISUNDERSTOOD Milton Bradley was arrested for criminally misspeaking to a woman. It was probably that racist bitch of a kindergarten teacher his son had in Chicago.

Here is California Penal Code Section 422 concerning “criminal threats”:

422. Any person who willfully threatens to commit a crime which will result in death or great bodily injury to another person, with
the specific intent that the statement, made verbally, in writing, or by means of an electronic communication device, is to be taken as a threat, even if there is no intent of actually carrying it out, which, on its face and under the circumstances in which it is made, is so unequivocal, unconditional, immediate, and specific as to convey to the person threatened, a gravity of purpose and an immediate prospect of execution of the threat, and thereby causes that person reasonably to be in sustained fear for his or her own safety or for his or her immediate family’s safety, shall be punished by imprisonment in the county jail not to exceed one year, or by imprisonment in the state prison.

For the purposes of this section, “immediate family” means any spouse, whether by marriage or not, parent, child, any person related by consanguinity or affinity within the second degree, or any other person who regularly resides in the household, or who, within the prior six months, regularly resided in the household.

“Electronic communication device” includes, but is not limited to, telephones, cellular telephones, computers, video recorders, fax machines, or pagers. “Electronic communication” has the same meaning as the term defined in Subsection 12 of Section 2510 of Title 18 of the United States Code.

So, Milton Bradley allegedly communicated to a woman that he was either going to murder or cause a significant amount of bodily harm to her or her family. At 8:50 in the morning. Because Milton Bradley threatens bitches’ lives before most of you are done with breakfast. Based on the statute above, there is the delightful possibility that Milton texted, “I’M GOIN FKIN KILL U! LOL!” to her. Or maybe even used the State Farm fax machine to send her this.

This raises one very important question. Does Seattle get out of his contract if he has to spend a year in pound me in the ass prison? At this point, Carlos Silva could eat an orphan before every appearance next year, and the Silva-Bradley trade would STILL look like a good one from the Cubs’ perspective.

I truly hope the last remaining defenders of this affront to humanity all get hit by the same bus.