OBSERVE WHAT I DID IN THE TITLE! Don’t forget about tonight’s madness at Shitty O’Kea’s, starting around 8:00ish, and ending when either they or we run out of booze. Your BROWSing tips are what make me want to go to another Convention with a pasted-on, horrifying smile on my face. So, keep them coming.

• I doubt anyone will overreact to THIS story. (HT: Steve) Especially not on sports radio!
• The pathetic saga of Lenny Dykstra marches on. Chapter 12: He’s a Sexual Predator.
• Everyone’s favorite batshit insane former Cub, Kyle Farnsworth, is a Ray. Assuming he can understand that.
• Maybe we didn’t get fleeced as much on the Garza trade as some people are saying.
• Matt Murton is better than Ichiro? (HT: LincolnT)
• How (not) to shoot a black dog. No, it’s not an Old Yeller thing.
• Games that involve typing actually make me feel productive. But you’re not being productive.
• Want to be a sci-fi writer? Of course you do. I read your Battlestar Galactica fanfic with Colonel Tigh sweatily humping Admiral Adama. And it was SICK. Anyhow, cut out these words, and you might be on to something.
• Look at this guy’s mugshot, and then imagine his wildebeest girlfriend’s vibrator. Also, I love how the reporter had to include that it was a black vibrator.
• The most nonsensical made-up statistics you’ll see until you read Carlos Silva’s 2011 baseball card.
• Hallo. My name is Inigo Montoya. Or is it?
• Terrible advice, that was.
• Finally, the Michael Caine impression to end all other Michael Caine impressions.
  
• Hoth on the Death Star?
• That’s not nearly as horrifying as some of the things I’ve sneezed out.
• Sense. This makes absolutely none. (NSFW, due to “artistic” boobies)
  

  EL GUINCHO | Bombay from MGdM | Marc G�mez del Moral on Vimeo.

• Movie “bad guys” who were totally right.
• Nice boobs! (SFW)
• What. The. Hell?
• Sorry to say, none of you made the list of Futurama‘s nerdiest guest stars.
• TWEET OF THE WEEK: Kermit has been torturing Jose Canseco for much of his Twitter life, and finally, he gets a response! From Ozzie Canseco.
• YOUR AWESOME OLD TV CLIP OF THE WEEK: Hey! I’m trying to eat lunch here!
  

Well, I’m off to paint on my happy eyebrows and get used to answering questions about how I DARED to sit Starlin Castro for being a slack-ass last year. For those of you who won’t make the Shitty’s trip, I’m sure Kermit and Dolan will likely be tweeting nonsense the entire night.

-Uncle Mike