It is with unbearable sadness that I inform you that Ryne Sandberg will not be in a Cub uniform next year. Let’s take a moment of si- All right, Roundup time. The assistance of your tips is like a brilliant bench coach who offers the insight that Ryno may or may not have.

  • Angel Guzman is gone! Nope, wait, there he is.
  • Does anyone else thing the idea of a Rally Thong is weird, sad, and a little desperate? Meaning right up Ryan Dempster’s alley?
  • Rob Neyer says what we’ve all been thinking about Bud Selig’s suggestion for more playoff teams. “You’re a fucking idiot, Bud.”
  • The Rangers may have lost the World Series, but at least there’s some good news for Ron Washington and Josh Hamilton.
  • Mark DeRosa played in only TWENTY-SIX games for the San Francisco Giants. Which leads me to my question. WHY THE FUCK DOES ANYONE LISTEN TO MARK DEROSA?
  • Using finger fossils to find out that Neanderthals slept around is WAY less exciting than you would have thought.
  • The Batmobile WOULD make a pretty sweet van.
  • Plot twists famous movies should have had. Inception is made out of PEOPLE!!!
  • One would think that falling through a roof would be the most dangerous part of your day, but NO.
  • I assume it cut down itself.
  • The universe is one hell of a cool place. You geeks should stop by and visit some time.
  • It’s so weird that he’s unemployed.

    /logs on to ChatRoulette

  • I’m claustrophobic, so spelunking seems like a terrible idea to me. Especially if you’ve ever seen the movie The Descent, which I will stand by as being one of the most terrifying movies ever made. I know it’s past Halloween (but don’t tell the producers of The Simpsons that fact), but this video is creepy and cool.
  • If you’ve never harbored a desire to play the video game in the The Last Starfighter, I just don’t want to know you. (HT: CT)
  • TWEET OF THE WEEK: Thank God Ozzie Guillen is tweeting again. Only he could sum up the sadness of Sparky Anderson’s death. “sparky anderson awesome man u are legend” AWESOMEST DEATH EVAR, SPARKY!!!
  • NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Your whole existence is a LIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!! Alternatively, what the fucking fuck, Snickers?
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Topless Robot. Several of you have sent me brilliant links from this site. It should be read. Often.

And, so, the long dark tea time of the offseason begins. There are only two ways to get through it. HJE and booze. What will you choose?
-Uncle Mike