Hire Jim Essian

If you were looking for an early Christmas present, you just found it. Ryan Theriot will take his invisible racecar to St. Louis, where he will likely be driving it drunk. This is the best thing that has happened to Cubs fans since the Reds hired Dusty Baker. The Cardinals just slipped from second place in the ... Read More

If you're a Yankee-hater, your time may have finally come. Both Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera have just recently watched the Yankees throw stupid amounts of money at C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, and Mark Teixeira. Now, it's time for arguably the Yankees' most valuable player in the past fifteen years, and certainly their most overrated to get paid. ... Read More

If you thought that this week's Muskbox would ask whether or not Greg Maddux will be the next Cubs pitching coach, say another sooth, give yourself a gold star, and prepare for your weekly reminder of why you're embarrassed to be a Cubs fan. And, if you're NOT so embarrassed, thank you for your contributions to the Muskbox this week. Now that ... Read More

I'm a sucker for baseball movies. Even though I'll stand behind my statement that Major League is the best baseball movie ever, and that Field of Dreams is actually pretty boring, I consider myself a baseball movie connoisseur. The 2008 movie Sugar slipped right under my radar, though. Sugar is about Miguel "Sugar" Santos, a pitcher playing ... Read More

They're trying to steal Lou, and they just nabbed Larry Rothschild. Rothschild takes an undeserved beating from a lot of Cubs fans, presumably because of Dusty Baker's reign of career-destroying terror. The fact is, Rothschild is a hell of a pitching coach. Get the dreams of Greg Maddux as pitching coach out of your head right now. As ... Read More

The headline of today's Chicago Breaking Sports article is "Cubs 'surprised' by Big Ten rule changes." (HT: Ned Ryerson) Well, no shit. The Rickettses are surprised when the sun comes up in the east every day. They're surprised that Milton Bradley was an asshole. They're surprised that the state of Illinois laughed at their bid ... Read More

Well, well, well, well, well. I never really got a proper good-bye before my abrupt August departure. That didn't bother me, but I'm sure you twerps were crying about it. I see a lot has happened since I've been gone. Quade got hired. Sandberg got pretend-fired. And Essian still can't get a goddamn interview. ... Read More

The Muskbox is generally a non-hilarious mix of the same four questions over and over again. WHY DID THE CUBBIES GIVE UP ON KERRY WOODS??? WHY ISN'T MICAH HOFFPOWER GETTING MORE PLAYING TIME??? WHY WON'T THE CUBS TRADE FOR ADAM DUNN??? WHAT TIME IS THE GAME ON JUNE 23RD??? But this week's Muskbox accomplishes a first. And I mean "first." EVERY SINGLE QUESTION is about first base. ... Read More

No, Kevin Mitchell was not listed in baseball's infamous Mitchell Report. He probably wasn't on steroids. But he was an oversized left fielder for the San Francisco Giants who was so bad in the outfield that the greatest play he ever made involved him taking a horrible route to the ball and overrunning it by several feet. ... Read More

If you didn't know who Dave Niehaus was, that's because nobody really cares about anything that comes out of Seattle. But Niehaus was a Mariner staple, and one of the better broadcasters in the game. He died, too young, at the age of 75 this week. Rest in peace, Dave. Sometimes, when the darkness comes, I ... Read More