There is no more satisfying sound after a terrible baseball season than the flip of a coin and the gleeful shout of “HEADS!” College football is back to take your mind off the fact that we are a mere ten games away from postseason elimination. If all goes perfectly, that means you officially won’t have to watch us by Wednesday. That gives you plenty of time to get ready to watch the Bears lose approximately as many games as we have this year. Your Roundup tips are as cherished by me as a woolen hat in Chicago in February.
- Kerry Wood got robbed, but kudos to…Del Howard?
- Dutchie Caray is an idiot.
- I love Rob Neyer, but unlike him, I’m not fooled by Tom Ricketts. I suspect Tommy boy’s biggest “free agent” signing this offseason is going to be me. And I don’t even know if I would hire me.
- What the hell bobbleheads are the Astros giving away?
- And why wouldn’t Kevin Gregg choose this year to not suck?
- Plus, they have to root for the Mets.
- Baseball nicknames used to be much better. “Car-Go” is absolutely terrible.
- Hey, we made the top of yet another list!
- I have some good news about Sweet Uncle Lou. Apparently, he will live forever.
- Further congratulations are in order for Lou.
- Just don’t let Dick Vermeil know the good news.
- Stephen Hawking: I Did.
- Man, some people will do anything to get out of watching the next Transformers movie.
- Six unsolved mysteries that have totally been solved.
- Futurama hit its 100th episode Thursday night, so here are 100 of the best moments from its first six seasons. Enjoy them with a bottle of Shasta and your all-Rush mix tape.
- There’s only ONE original Kermit. And it’s now in the Smithsonian. Along with some other things.
- Facebook fails of famous fictional
charactersfigures. - There’s a chance that Saturday Night Live might be marginally funny next year. There’s also a chance that we’ll win the World Series.
- Improv Everywhere. Well, at the beach, at least.
- Wow. Gary Cederstrom sucks worse than going to Comic-Con and having thirty different people call you, “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.”
- I knew I recognized Murderface from somewhere.
- I bet Ron Santo is pissed that all of these feet are going to waste.
- If you have your hands on three pigs and you’re not Mark Grace, here’s a great prank to pull with them.
- Oh, good. Please read the next line 1,000 times over the weekend. It hasn’t been 102 years since this franchise has won the World Series.
- What happens when you give a credit card to a panhandler? He signs Milton Bradley with it.
- The Simpsons house in terrifying real life.
- Why would any woman want to cover nature’s greatest gift? (NSFW language)
- Whither the hoverboard?
- Some marketing genius better have been paid handsomely for this idea.
- Keep clicking through this Garfield comic generator. There are some funny gems hidden in there. (HT: Ryan from Lakeview).
- Designing the world’s worst public restroom. (HT: CT)
- Have some fun with your retro toys. (HT: level5)
- TWEET OF THE WEEK: I guess @JoseCanseco‘s latest meltdown started somewhere around here. (HT: Ned Ryerson) Anyhow, the relevant portions are here and here.
- NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: If you’ve ever worked or studied in a lab, these lab horror stories should suffice for your weekly dose of nightmare fuel.
- FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Hungover Owls. It’s funny because they eat rats.
That’s all for me, gang. But there’s a lot of it, so who are you to complain? Are you even complaining? I’M DOING MY BEST, DAMMIT!
-Uncle Mike
