Wellity, wellity, wellity. Look who’s on your little blog now? Uncle Mike has been reading up on this crap, and things are going to be done a little differently around here. It’s serious time around here. I don’t abide horseplay, rolling, polling, hoopla, and whatnot. This feature is now called Uncle Mike’s Weekly BROWS- oh, now I get it, Kermit. Asshole. Your tips are still welcome here. Let’s have at it, pukes.

• What will the Mike Quade Era look like? Gray. Lots of gray.
• My favorite color of brow pencil is Sammy Sosa’s Sour Grape.
• Once you see Jesus’ penis, you can’t unsee it!
• The most ridiculous martial arts movies you’ll ever not see.
• All of Chewbacca’s dialogue from Star Wars.
• Google Street View caught Lou once. Wait until you see what else it caught.
• Congratulations to Matt Stairs for setting the pinch hit home run record of…21? That’s it? Seriously?
• Remember all of those holier-than-thou articles that Jay Mariotti penned that you never read. And then revel in reading this.
• Salvador Dali painted more than just one painting, you know. And some of them will blow your mind.
• Speaking of being less stupid and short-sighted, here are 10 sites that will make you think.
• So it was spoken, and so it shall be done.
• In a year that has been so improbable, the impossible happens. Doo doo doo doodoodoo. Doo doo doo doodoodoo. Doo doo doo doodoodoo. Doo doo!
  
• I see a REALLY bad moon rising.
• Who is crazier? Claire from Lost, or this guy who watched WAY too much Lost?
• Easy. There’s a second child IN THE TELEVISION.
• There is quite a bit of turnover on MLB teams, even ones that actually win championships.
• The worst do-it-yourself car repairs. (HT: level5)
• If there’s one thing the Cardinals know, it’s not holding their liquor. And having Jack Nicholson eyes. (HT: John and Luis)
• NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Ghost Spiders!
• FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Fake Science. It’s science that idiots can understand. Because it’s completely wrong.

I’ll save the rest of your tips for a rainy day. Sorry you lost your precious Lou, but let’s not get too teary-eyed. Fridays are still Fridays, meaning you’re already drunk right now, and you’re likely reading this hungover on a Monday morning. And you have a drinking problem. For God’s sake, look at yourself.

-Uncle Mike