Dusty vs Tony woulda been a good one>

It is as though the Cubs’ plane is plummeting to earth, and Theriot, Fontenot, and Lilly have managed to find the only three parachutes. Fukudome, Soriano, and Zambrano are too heavy to use the parachutes, as is Ramirez. Baker is too dumb to operate one. Fontenot is my favorite player, mostly because of the tremendous odds he had to overcome to play baseball at any level, (and this has nothing to do with his size), but I am glad to see him go to a better place, sort of like a mother who has cut the apron strings. Superstar wannabee, Theriot did not land with a contender, but little Mikey did. It is rarely sunny in northern California, and the Giants play mostly night games. That should be better for our little sun-sensitive guy. He deserves better than he was getting from Lou.

or quiet works too, fuck :(

@santo10 –
Obviously you are not a teenage girl. Anyway, pretty men don’t play as well as rugged looking men.

Edelweiss, I hope your source is wrong (not that we’ll ever have evidence or documentation)…it’s bad enough if you have overpaid pallplayers who simply don’t have the ability or desire to play to win, but if it’s a management decision to give/not give a winning effort, then I see no reason why Cubs fans need bother supporting this team any more this year.

Where do I go for Chicago Fire tickets?

@DVXPrime – Jesus man, baseball is NEVER bad enough to justify watching soccer. I know it’s rough, but don’t get carried away.

1. This is wrong. By my quick count, Fontenot had at least 5 starts in July, including 3 in a row July 2-4.

2. This is conveniently unproveable. Fontenot had “several web gems” in April? OK, I’ll take your word for it. It’s also impossible to corroborate — what player would ever admit to dogging it, even at his manager’s urging? Okay, Milton Bradley aside, I mean.

3. This is stupid. Lou Piniella — that’d be career hard-nosed baseball man Lou Piniella, respected throughout the game, mind you — tells all the players not to dive for balls or go all out so that Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot, nobody’s idea of valuable trading chips, can have bruise-less midsections and thus get traded? Not one part of that makes any sense at all. It’s a tiny bit more believable than the “sexual harassment claim” rumor, but that’s not saying much.

I sort of like the idea that Edelwei� is Carrie Muskat on a vodka-and-cranberry-juice bender, trying to get revenge for all the cheap shots over the years, but now she’s just being ridiculous.

@Pell Mell –

Lou is a lame-duck manager, and he never thought what he did would get out. None of the players would ever admit to being told not to dive. Lou didn’t tell anyone not to go all out, but he did tell them to go after the ball in a different way. He also advised everyone but Theriot not to steal bases, because they “look stupid” when they get caught. If you can remember, even Brenley and Kasper started to lavishly praise Theriot as a superb defender, and the cornerstone of the rebuilt Cubs. With all the injuries to middle infielders, and the scarcity of replacements,
a little twerp like Fontenot became a valuable trading chip because he doesn’t make much money, and can play 3 infield positions. The Cubs were using him to move bigger contracts, but the package deals didn’t pan out. Most of the teams that wanted him needed a fill-in. Theriot was harder to move , as he would refuse to be a bench player, but the Dodgers wanted Lilly. The players who went along with Lou’s directive got the playing time. Fontenot is a bit absent-minded,, so he forgot all about Lou’s directive, and got completely benched.

Wait a minute, I’ve got it! Edelweiss has claimed before to be close to the players and a lot of the previous criticism was directed toward Theriot and Fontenot. But you know who was never criticized? Jeff Baker.

Fact: Jeff Baker was born in West Germany in 1981 (according to wikipedia, so possible half truth as opposed to fact)

Fact: Edelweiss is a European flower.

From these two facts and a specious understanding of the internet, I think we can all see that Edelweiss is actually….. (pause for dramatic effect)

Jeff Baker! (Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn)

Yes, Edelweiss is trying to get more playing time by accurately pointing out how much Theriot and Fontenot suck, in an effort to get them traded. It’s a Giant (and Dodger) conspiracy!

Maybe it’s Mark DeRosa. He’s got somme time on his hands, and probably a Cubs-infield ax to grind. Or maybe it’s…Miles!

@santo10 – Alright, here’s what I got. The Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people, under the supervision of the reverse vampires, are forcing Edelweiss to write about the Cubs in a fiendish plot to eliminate faith in the team.

We’re through the looking glass, here, people.

Hey…This is kind of fun, and maybe I should just play along with it, but…………I am neither Jeff Baker, nor any beat writer. I am a retired 67 year-old widowed grandmother, whose 4 sons left the nest, and I moved back into Wrigleyville from Northbrook. Living in my building is a brother of
a member of the Cubs front office. I am not close to any past or present Cubs player, and have only met a few of them, quite by accident. Jeff Baker lived in my building last year, and I couldn’t stand him. He and his room-mate let their poodle make #2 all over the sidewalk. As for a conspiracy, the Cubs are not astute enough to pull one off. Lou did, however discourage players from diving for balls in the infield, and stealing bases. He wanted Theriot to look good by comparison. I do not know if he said anything to Len and Bob, but they are around the team to have easily picked up on the current climate. Bob may have his eye on Lou’s job. It may be fun to speculate on who I am, but, unless you watched the Winter Olympics in the 1960′s and ’70s, you would not recognize my name. I have never been in the Cubs clubhouse, and have no need to do so. It has been fun getting information from someone who the Cubs could never identify. The stories aboout some of the shenanigans in the clubhouse are, of course, hearsay, as I was not actually present when they occurred. The video is real, as it was shown to me. I do know that one of the recently traded Cubs players has a rather unusual story, which I saw in a biography of one of his childhood friends. He has a disability that should have prevented him from playing ball at any level above tee-ball. There will be a book about it down the road. Now, if you insist on my being someone else, at least make that someone else be someone I like. One other thing…..Jeff Baker is too stupid and clumsy to be German. He is a U.S. Army brat..

@Starlin Castrated –
She didn’t say Wikipedia lied; she said Baker was an Army brat. In other words, his father was in the Army assigned to a post in West Germany, where Baker was born.

She ought to be more careful, though, because I suspect she’s now given out enough information now to identify both her and her contact, if anybody cared enough to figure it out. (I don’t.) Assuming, for the sake of argument that she’s genuine, which I’m not about to concede.