So, here’s your depressing thought of the weekend (at least before you start drinking). We’re currently 6-15 against the Pirates and Astros. If we had flipped that record and gone 15-6 against them like the rest of the MLB is doing, we would be sitting at 52-44, and a sweep of the Cardinals this weekend would put us in first place by a game. You just started drinking, didn’t you? Hey, good for you. Your tips are both interesting and baffling. Let the sad series of our last few Roundups together begin!
- Apparently, we’re running a sweatshop for baseball players. Only without the talent. Or, presumably, the sweat.
- Don’t look now, but Avatar and Aliens are the same movie. Okay, look now.
- I call dibs on this Halloween costume this year. That is, if we’re not busy playing in the World Series. HA HA HA!!!
- It’s like Unbreakable. You know. The movie M. Night made before he lost his mind.
- Reason #7: It might make you forget this baseball season.
- I agree with Mark Townsend. The second kid (or, more likely, his father) is an ass. And what sort of bleacher fans don’t have a second, crappy ball on hand to throw back? Fails all around.
- Rest in peace, Lou Brown.
- Gary Carter meets a guy who is a bigger asshole than Gary Carter.
- Nerds rejoice! It’s a science-fiction timeline!
- Who do you write like? Er- Like whom do you write? Ah, whatever.
- The real aliens were in our hearts the whole time.
- We may finally learn who the old dude behind home plate with the ridiculous pink hat and green shirt is. (HT: Springtime and Jeffrey)
- A total ass goes parasailing. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
- Why can’t Bill Murray own the team? (HT: Pre)
- I didn’t realize the crossover Super Mario Bros. video I linked a while back was actually a game. Good bye, productive afternoon! (HT: Ryan)
- TWEET OF THE WEEK: The three favorite kinds of drunk. I’m going to be working on an afternoon drunk today. That’ll explain why I’m going to punch LaRussa in his smug face.
- NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Clown Fails. There is something so wrong with this kid’s parents.
- FEED READ OF THE WEEK: I don’t think I’ve ever posted This is Why You’re Fat. (HT: Tom Trebelhorn) I mean, I tell it to Sinatro every day, but I don’t think I’ve linked the website before.
That’s it for me, consumers. Enjoy the weekend series, IF YOU DARE.
-Sweet Uncle Lou
Why shouldn’t Murray own the team? Here’s one reason:
I watch sports, I watch movies, Current TV on the satellite—I kind of like that. Honestly, I’m just easily bored. C-SPAN can be really great. Like the night Obama won the election, C-SPAN was the greatest. There were no announcers, just Chicago. It was just that crowd in Grant Park, and it was just fuckin’ jazz. You know, it was just wow. And that’s my town, you know? It was just: “Oh, my God, it’s gonna happen! [getting genuinely excited] It’s gonna happen!”
So when they finally do replace Wrigley Field, at least its urinals currently in use can be sent to the Cubs DR training facility and used as Roman tubs – win for everyone!
Six and fifteen against the two worst teams in the division…are they even trying this year?
You should have seen the players at Casino Night. Most of them were schnozzeled. One of the relief pitchers tossed up his appetizers all over his white jacket. Did anyone take a video?