So, here’s your depressing thought of the weekend (at least before you start drinking). We’re currently 6-15 against the Pirates and Astros. If we had flipped that record and gone 15-6 against them like the rest of the MLB is doing, we would be sitting at 52-44, and a sweep of the Cardinals this weekend would put us in first place by a game. You just started drinking, didn’t you? Hey, good for you. Your tips are both interesting and baffling. Let the sad series of our last few Roundups together begin!

  • Apparently, we’re running a sweatshop for baseball players. Only without the talent. Or, presumably, the sweat.
  • Don’t look now, but Avatar and Aliens are the same movie. Okay, look now.
  • I call dibs on this Halloween costume this year. That is, if we’re not busy playing in the World Series. HA HA HA!!!
  • It’s like Unbreakable. You know. The movie M. Night made before he lost his mind.
  • Reason #7: It might make you forget this baseball season.
  • I agree with Mark Townsend. The second kid (or, more likely, his father) is an ass. And what sort of bleacher fans don’t have a second, crappy ball on hand to throw back? Fails all around.
  • Rest in peace, Lou Brown.
  • Gary Carter meets a guy who is a bigger asshole than Gary Carter.
  • Nerds rejoice! It’s a science-fiction timeline!
  • Who do you write like? Er- Like whom do you write? Ah, whatever.
  • The real aliens were in our hearts the whole time.
  • We may finally learn who the old dude behind home plate with the ridiculous pink hat and green shirt is. (HT: Springtime and Jeffrey)
  • A total ass goes parasailing. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
  • Why can’t Bill Murray own the team? (HT: Pre)
  • I didn’t realize the crossover Super Mario Bros. video I linked a while back was actually a game. Good bye, productive afternoon! (HT: Ryan)
  • TWEET OF THE WEEK: The three favorite kinds of drunk. I’m going to be working on an afternoon drunk today. That’ll explain why I’m going to punch LaRussa in his smug face.
  • NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Clown Fails. There is something so wrong with this kid’s parents.
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: I don’t think I’ve ever posted This is Why You’re Fat. (HT: Tom Trebelhorn) I mean, I tell it to Sinatro every day, but I don’t think I’ve linked the website before.

That’s it for me, consumers. Enjoy the weekend series, IF YOU DARE.

-Sweet Uncle Lou