Hire Jim Essian

Ryan Theriot: not a Cub. ... Read More

A long-awaited apology was finally issued today. An apology you've all been waiting for. And here it comes. I'm sorry about the whole "there's nothing new to read on this crap hole site" thing. Despite the earnest wishes of all of my mortal enemies, HJE is not dying a slow death. Some other projects have ... Read More

Good afternoon, Cubs fans! We take a brief break from HJE's active campaign for me to be the Chicago Cubs' next manager to look back on one of the highlights of the Jim Essian era. It's the 19th anniversary of my win over Lou Piniella and his Cincinnati Reds that I chronicled well enough for you three years ago. Today's even ... Read More

So, here's your depressing thought of the weekend (at least before you start drinking). We're currently 6-15 against the Pirates and Astros. If we had flipped that record and gone 15-6 against them like the rest of the MLB is doing, we would be sitting at 52-44, and a sweep of the Cardinals this weekend would put us ... Read More

Fan club members, Shoutboxers, Cubs fans and others: It's time to mobilize. We're halfway to our dream of installing me back in the Cubs dugout. Lou Piniella has announced his retirement effective at the end of the season. I wish him well in Tampa. But I wish myself better in Chicago. Obviously, a lot of people are mentioning Iowa Cubs manager Ryne ... Read More

In a move which will almost certainly pave the way for the Ryne Sandberg Era, Lou Piniella announced today that he will retire after this season. Selfishly, I am less devastated about losing one of the most-successful managers in Cub history than I am about the death of Sweet Uncle Lou's Friday Roundup. DAMN YOU, PINIELLA!!! Anyhow, Lou's current .531 winning ... Read More

I definitely expected the wheels to just flatten. Or to pop off entirely due to the stress of carrying around such weight. If you were shocked that Carlos Silva was having a ton of success with the Cubs this year, you're probably acting like an insufferable know-it-all right now. Silva's short start against the Dodgers just before ... Read More

Hey, Marlon Byrd survived the All-Star Game, and Joey Votto is somehow pissed about that. I'll tell you who DIDN'T survive the All-Star Game. George Steinbrenner. Seriously, he didn't. Tips, as always, are wrapped in swaddling clothing and raised as my own. Roundup time. There are many ways to ruin a relationship. Just ask Anita. ... Read More

If there's one sports radio refrain that annoys me, it's, "Tom Ricketts is being SO SMART AND CAREFUL about his evaluation of Jim Hendry." Bullshit. The Cubs are now halfway through their first season under Ricketts' ownership. They're 39-50, with the third-highest payroll in all of Major League Baseball. The only two more expensive teams are ... Read More

I get it. You're annoyed that I've been slacking with the Roundup. It's L.A. The women are gorgeous, and I like to sleep in. Deal with it. You could always read the links on Monday and be completely unproductive at the beginning of the week instead of the end. Life has somewhat settled down, ... Read More