Happy Crosstown “Rivalry” weekend, everyone! It’s a battle for the ages as we head to the bad side of the tracks to take on the suddenly-overachieving White Sox in what is sure to be the most exciting series since we did this series a couple of weeks ago. Your Roundup tips are the only things that make me want to wake up in the morning.

• What if you score five runs a series like we do?
• Brian Fuentes’ “balk.” (HT: Pre)
• 100+ years of scoreboard watching. SPOILER: We’re losing on every single one of them.
• The Baseball Gauge should be fun, even if spelling “gauge” never is.
• Congratulations to the Chicago Bulls for unloading Kirk Hinrich’s contract, and for HIDING AN EVIL ROBOT READING A BOOK ON HOW TO COOK HUMANS!
• For once (well, seven times), Walt Disney tries NOT to terrify and depress you.
• How well do you know your movie poster font type?
• Happy belated 35th birthday, Jaws! Smile, you son of a bitch!
• Unless, of course, all time travelers hate bunnies.
• Redefining “boner.” (SFW? You decide.)
• All these years, Toad has been disrespecting you.
• Sad Keanu is hilarious, and Keanu is still a terrible actor, but I never realized what a good dude he is.
• The other 98 places are all in St. Louis.
• I sure hope dad doesn’t find out that the Cubs just lost 2 of 3 to the Mariners.
• What you should have learned in school when you weren’t sleeping through class.
• Be sure to click through to see the second image. Oops.
• I’m on a highway to where?
• Is there anything duct tape can’t do?
• Venus during the day with the naked eye. I WANT TO BELIEVE.
• Your brain (yes, even YOURS) is pretty amazing. It took me forever to get the 3D image to “spin” the other way.
• Great moments in sports history…reenacted.
• Vote for Webb! (HT: Tom Trebelhorn)
  
• The 20 Worst Something Somethings. (HT: Ned Ryerson) The 20 Worst Names are outstanding.
• TWEET OF THE WEEK: Please let it be called Bash Brother.
• NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: SPIDER CRAB!
  
  Oh, and here’s some bonus nightmare fuel with horrifying animal hybrids!
• FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Rejected New Yorker cartoons. (HT: Weebs)

That’s it for me, folks. I’m posing for a bobblehead depicting me doing my taxes in a John Deere hat. Enjoy the weekend games. I mean the USA World Cup, of course. Who the hell would enjoy OUR games?

-Sweet Uncle Lou