What do you want to talk about from last night? The four errors? The wild pitch? The eight-games-under-.500 record? The fact that John Grabow actually made it through an entire inning without giving up a run? Wait a minute. When the hell did Grabow get back? Ah, screw it. At the risk of becoming Because of my inherent desire to become the TMZ of Cubs sites, I’m going to continue trusting and passing along Edelweiss’s insane stories about the Cubs. They’re far more entertaining than actually following this team. In case you missed this, according to Edelweiss:
Have you noticed that the last two times Mike Fontenot came in to pinch hit, he came in from the bullpen instead of the dugout? Could there be any sane reason for a manager to make a position player sit out where he can’t watch the game? According to Lou, there is. Several times this year one of the big guys has come up behind Fontenot, and lifted him off his feet, while he was watching the game. Lou is worried one of them might get hurt, so what does he do? Does he tell them to stop? Oh no, he has a better idea. He makes Fontenot sit in the bullpen, even if it is raining, so the big guys aren’t tempted.
So, let me get this straight. If the story is true, Fontenot is not allowed to have access to the dugout and clubhouse for fear that the other Cub players will use him as a human tent peg? If this story is true, it’s outstanding. Not only is Fontenot so tiny that his teammates can’t resist dressing him in a bonnet and trying to burp him before the game, but the team is also so hilariously clumsy, that Lou Piniella is actively worried that they’re going to injure themselves while fighting over who gets to change Mikey’s diaper. And why wouldn’t he worry?
I will be at the game tonight, and I’m going to try to see if Fontenot is, indeed, hiding in the Cub bullpen. And if he’s licking a hilariously oversized lollipop.
I’m going to start making all my weight measurements in Fontenots. “Oh, I totally benched a Fontenot and a half yesterday! My Zambranos are totally sore, but my Marmols feel fine, so there’s that. You gotta keep in Lilly shape, can’t let your body Silva, you know. Tomorrow I’m gonna work on my Dempsters and the rest of my legs as well, I’m so sick of being such a Theriot that I figure all this lifting is bound to help.”
And that’s when I ice whoever I’m talking to, because clearly if I’m talking that much about weight-lifting I have serious issues.
I really hate this fucking team. Just when I think they’re as bad as they’re gonna get, they get worse. Four goddamn errors, plus all the other issues with the cutoff man and stuff. People give Z a lot of flack for his temper, but I was impressed that he kept from strangling anyone last night. I don’t think I would’ve been that nice. After last night and Saturday’s pathetic excuse for a game, I can honestly say that this is the most disgusted with any Cub team I’ve ever been. 2010 nut-punch indeed.
@JackB – I would not have blamed Z if he would have snapped and beat the shit out of someone last night. I want half this team gone by the all-star break.
@santo10 – So who are your definite keeps/daily plays? the pitching staff, Marmol, Seanbearpig, Soto, Colvin, Castro, Cashner, Byrd, and then everyone else is sellable?
@Starlin Castrated – That list works for me, but I would also consider trading Randy Wells, unless they really have figured out his problem like they said they have. Although knowing this team’s luck he’ll go be Greg Maddux somewhere else. Does anyone want this pile of suck though?
@santo10 – This pile of suck being the rest of that cesspool? Well, someone’s gonna want Lee I think, as he’s a good 1b that hits. Ramirez is a giant question mark, who at the very least will have to produce next year if he wants a good contract. Soriano is a question mark as to whether he’s hot or not this week, so that ain’t never gonna happen. Fukudome is a nice 20 million pile of sadness playing RF for another year, but after that, Colvin! As for Fontenot and Theriot, I keep hearing about how people want 2b/SS. And yet no one seems to be calling or asking for them. Yeah, they’re relatively cheap to keep, but so would have been Corey Patterson. Don’t make it a good idea.
So to answer your question, pretty much no. But maybe we’ll see Lee and Lilly for prospects?
Starlin and Santo:
First, you have to convince your manager that Soto is your starting catcher. He seems to think that Hill is the better choice.
Don’t expect to get much in a trade for either Lee or Lilly. Lee’s production is down from last year, and he’s aging. There aren’t any contending teams that appear to need a first baseman or a bat, and Lee’s a 10 and 5 guy so he’d have to approve a trade. I have my doubts he’d want to go somewhere as a part-timer, or a DH, so really, the market is limited for him. Lilly is also getting older, and even though there’s always a use for a solid LH starter, he’s not in the same class as Cliff Lee, or CC Sabathia–guys who teams would give up a lot of the future for.
In short, what you have is likely what you will have. Enjoy it!
@psychoch – stop crushing my dreams where we trade Lee for Bryce Harper and Steven Strasborg
@psychoch – God dammit I hate reality.
Apparently Lou was embarrassed by the publicity, because tonight, Fontenot was sitting in the dugout, at least for part of the game. He apparently was told not to stand at the rail, so no one could come up behind him. It is hard to sit there all day because the bench is too high off the ground for anyone under 6 feet.
By the way, I got a report on the state of Jeff Baker’s ass, but I am going to save it for another night.
@Edelweiss – This is the sorry state of the Cubs–where we are reduced to waiting for reports on the state of a utility player’s ass.
@Edelweiss – I didn’t see him in the bullpen, either. To be fair, though, the grass was sort of long last night.
@Bad kermit
You will notice he does not appear in the photo of the Cubs, Sox, and Blackhawks. Well, he IS in the picture, but he is standing behind the Stanley Cup.