Hire Jim Essian

The Cubs' 2010 assault on your brain continues. This week, the Cubs sheepishly admitted that moving Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen was a terrible idea, and that they were fools for thinking it was a wise decision in the first place. No, wait. They didn't. Lou Piniella made up some horseshit story about how he thought ... Read More

Hey, the Cubs won, and Aramis Ramirez hit his first home run since I filed my 2009 tax return. Instead of allowing me to relish the fleeting excitement of climbing to within five games of .500, the Cubs reminded me that they are still run by idiots determined to jerk around their longest-tenured player, and the best pitcher they ... Read More

The Muskbox has been a real moving target over the last few weeks. Maybe the grind of the season is too much to keep on a regular schedule. Maybe the Chicago Public Library is redoing the Dewey Decimal System. Maybe the spring "Schoolmarm's Charms" catalog came out. I don't know. But I do know that ... Read More

Hey, did you notice how me and Carlos have what us Spaniards might call a relationship that has gone "frio"? We barely speak anymore, he doesn't return my phone calls, and he's only pitched 7 2/3 innings since he was moved to the bullpen. So, what gives? More importantly, does anyone care? It's been a loooooong ... Read More

The joke is on me. I sat through that disaster of a game last night along with a bunch of other idiots. I don't want to relive the nightmare in my head, but I do want to know from you guys. Is this team better or worse than you expected? I think I said on Kaplan's ... Read More

Just when you think your site is screwed, your team just got swept by one of the worst-pitching teams in baseball (while scoring five runs in three games), you're looking up at the Pirates and Reds in the standings, and your day can't get any worse, the Cubs try to cheer me up by calling up an actual, honest-to-God shortstop. ... Read More

No new posts today, because I'm uncontrollably pissed off. In case you didn't notice this morning, HJE got hacked at about 3:29 a.m. by a bunch of dipshits with whose mothers I had violent intercourse. Thanks to my buddy Q for helping me at least get the site functional again. Thanks for all your Roundup submissions. ... Read More

Forget the fact that the Cubs have managed to score four runs in two games against one of the worst pitching staffs in the National League. Forget the fact that last night's starter, Charlie Morton, dropped his ERA by 2.27 runs to 10.30 by pitching against your hapless Northsiders. Forget that John Grabow is getting paid $2.7M this ... Read More

If you were wondering why Jeff Baker had several consecutive days off at the end of April and beginning of May, Son of Jim Essian Edelweiss may have discovered the answer. By the way, there is a reason Baker has not been starting until today. I know someone in the Cubs organization, who informed me last week that Baker and two ... Read More

I kid you not. The new Muskbox image was barely altered. Yes, there was a giant amount of white space where the HJE logo now sits. I like to imagine when Carrie saw it, she let out an exasperated sigh. Anyhow, I love it, I have adopted it, and I am embracing it. I completely ... Read More