Anything that the Cubs do to me is really my fault. I’m the one who purchases tickets for Cubs games. I’m the one who wastes his time writing a blog about them. I’m the one who apologizes to my friends for them when they drink to much and hit me in the face. But it’s still pretty shocking when they flat-out lie to me. Observe, if you will, the following e-mail that I received from the Cubs today (the poorly-Photoshopped circles are my own):
As someone who has tickets to this Wednesday night’s game, my first thought was that I would receive a Cubs Washed Cap, whatever the hell that is.
But look at the date of the promotion. May 28th is this Friday. Clicking through to the Cubs.com site confirmed that the “washed hat” giveaway is indeed during this Friday afternoon’s game. Wednesday night’s giveaway is a crappy Gatorade bottle.
No, I don’t care about the hat or the bottle. But whether from their stupidity or intentionally, that e-mail could very easily lead someone to purchase tickets for Wednesday night’s game in the hope that they can unravel the mystery of what the hell a Cubs washed hat is.
Is there any way to read that e-mail header that isn’t false advertising? It’s a shameful ploy by an abusive franchise. But they’re seeing a shrink, and they promise they love me and they’re going to quit drinking and sort their life out really soon!
What? I fell down some steps, okay?
Oh, that’s an easy mistake to make.
They lied to you for years about Prior’s arm, why would you believe them about a hat, washed or otherwise?
LDP
The real kicker is…THE CAP IS NOT REALLY WASHED!!!
/laughs evilly
//twiddles invisible mustache
This is the problem in Chicago. Everything is run by Marge in the secretarial pool, and Marge, bless her pea-pickin’ heart just isn’t the same since her husband of 57 years died in 2003.
It’s amateur hour everywhere in Chicago. And it’s accepted by the fans and pretty much everybody in Chicago, because what do want? Professionalism??
Tyler Colvin couldn’t get all those hats washed by Wednesday, so they had to push it back.
They’re washed using Darryl Ward’s intestinal system fluids – do you really want one now?
@cactusmcharris – Twice as much as before.
Upon closer inspection, it appears that a “washed” hat is one that is artifically made to look worn so that it seems to be much older than it actually is. The illusion is acheived by fraying the bill of the hat, to give the appearance that is has gone through the washing machine a few times.
Although based on that picture, the wear marks on the bill of the hat are equadistant from the center of the bill, which seems highly unlikely.
I AM NOT FOOLED BY YOUR OLD-LOOKING HAT!
@cactusmcharris Actually it is a more gentle wash made with Jeff Baker’s burst butt blisters.
(Try saying that ten times real fast.)
Cubs-washed is just like stone-washed, except less relevant.