Just when you think your site is screwed, your team just got swept by one of the worst-pitching teams in baseball (while scoring five runs in three games), you’re looking up at the Pirates and Reds in the standings, and your day can’t get any worse, the Cubs try to cheer me up by calling up an actual, honest-to-God shortstop. Starlin Castro is starting tonight for your Chicago Cubs.
Starlin, if you really exist, and if you can hear me, please go 5-5 with two home runs, and let this be the end of the Ryan Theriot era in Chicago.
The site should be safe for now, so please feel free to discuss in the comments.
Wow, I was so excited about this that for five whole seconds I forgot how bad they suck. However, this might just make me actually watch a whole game for once.
In honor of our new actual shortstop appearing, Ryan Beariot is now being retired. I am now reborn…..as Starlin Castrated.
Fisted Foul has been hacked too. Luckily my antivirus software actually prevented it.
Really? It doesn’t look like anything’s wrong with it.
Is hacked right now, avast caught it. I blame Greenfi.
Yeah something is wrong with Desipio, and there is a long list of people you guys have pissed off, I suggest you start with Milton.
@santo10 – Yeah, the hackers hit a bunch of blogs who use GoDaddy and WordPress, so Desipio got nailed, too. The good news is that all of those little fuckers will die alone of heart disease.
This would be the best time to trade Theri-ot while he’s hitting .341. He looks good on paper but we all know he sucks
@Bad Kermit – When I tried entering it, my antivirus software shut me out of the website and said my computer had unsuccessfully been hacked. I’m thinking it is the same problem/people as the others.
@summerguy – I sure hope not. It’s running on a completely different blog software.
Throw in fontenot! You can have the ragin’ cajun duo for the low price of one semi-decent middle reliver
KA-BOOOOM!!!!
i can’t believe you didn’t jinx him
That’s the idea. The Cubs planned to call him up later, but the sudden call-up is a diversion. He is an exciting player, and fans are focused on him, and are forgetting how bad the stars are hitting. No matter how well he plays, he cannot change the way the Cubs are playing. The Cubs brass is trying to give the impression that the teams problems are caused by the middle infield, Can you think of any games that were lost because of Theriot or Fontenot, both of whom are hitting over .300? Neither is an all-star, but they are not the weak link. Piniella reminds me of a teacher I had as a kid, who was mean to the quiet kids because she couldn’t control the troublemakers, and wanted to look as though she had the class under control. Moving Soriano down in the order seems to have helped him. Why can’t Ramirez be moved down to seventh or eighth? The diversion caused by The Castro call-up is not just designed to make us forget how bad things are; it is also supposed to provide cover for something that is brewing in the Cubs organization. My contact does not know just what it is, but it will happen before July.
@Edelweiss –
What, you know Deep Goat?!?
It’s great and all that the Cubs have a shortstop who doesn’t have to sit on a phone book to drive a car. But he’ll be hitting under the Mendoza line within a week.
@Edelweiss – Oh man, this is where we start wildly speculating, right? and the winner gets to be named king of the blog or gets a guest post or something crazy like that?
i’m going with a lilly trade. why lilly? because f*ck your hopes and dreams, that’s why! clearly the big shake up is trading a big star away so that ricketts can have more money to try not to waste on shitty contracts. or we’re firing lou and moving sandberg up to coach the team for the end of the year, that’s my other guess.
or maybe, just maybe, things will finally turn around, the team will start hitting and winning games, albert pujols will be busted for steroids, prince fielder will have a heart attack, and the cubs will win the division, only to yet again blow it in the playoffs. man, that’ll be yet another great october to look forward to.
Who dat?
Lilly won’t be traded. He was only a spectator at Fartgate. The Cubs have concocted a vague injury to explain the burn on Grabow’s hand. Baker seems to have some padding under his uniform. He looks like he is wearing an adult diaper. None of the fart-lighters will be traded. That is all I know, No one can predict what the Cubs will do in advance. Hendry does things on his own , and says nothing until it is a done deal.
That was the nickname of the mythical friend that Al Yellon had on the inside of the Cubbies. The Deep Goat name is in tribute to the fellow that blew the whistle on the Watergate Break-in, Deep Throat. It’s been a while since Al mentioned having any inside info.
If the Cubs don’t get back into contention soon, I have every expectation that Ted Lilly will be traded. I’m expecting the Cubs to try to trade any player of value who is in the last year of his contract or is over 30. I have the feeling that the Cubs are going to blow this team up and go young. What does your source say?
We need to have voting enabled again, so we can give Frank S. thumbs up for his “Deep Goat” comment.
:^)
Then we need to have enabled so we can give him thumbs DOWN because he felt the need to explain it.
The man did ask the question.
He would have figured it out, sooner or later.
I dunno, not everybody knows Yellon. Al may bestride the Cubbie World like a Colossus, but perhaps Edelweiss is new to the empire.
Edelweiss is a 66 year old grandmother., and thanks for explaining “deep goat”. She is widowed, and lives in a building near Wrigley Field, which is inhabited mostly by gay men, who are very gossipy. One of those neighbors roomed with a player, when the Cubs got him last year. That neighbor has a brother who works in the Cubs front office, who is not gay (so don’t try to identify him). The only person who works in the front office who knows what is going on, is Hendry, who consults no one, except, maybe Ricketts. I don’t think Piniella knew about Castro coming up until he got to Chicago. My contact knows when something is going on, but he doesn’t know exactly what it is until Hendry announces it, ususlly to the press first. The person who is first with a story is someone who makes a good guess.
@Edelweiss – Well, you’re 1-1 in being right on these rumors so far, so I’m just going to trust what you say. Do you have any idea what the organizational move might be? Front office? Coaching staff? Players? Are they giving one of Santo’s old toupees to Mike Quade?