Hire Jim Essian

The Cubs may have lost another nut-puncher (that's 3 for 3 on the season), but at least Lou Piniella argued a call with his fly open. (HT: Pre, for looking directly into Lou's crotch and surviving) ... Read More

It's early in the season, but it's never too early to fire up the HATEWAGON. The Cub bullpen is, basically, split down the middle. GOOD: SeanBearPig Marshall, James Russell, Esmailin Caridad, Carlos Marmol GODAWFUL: John Grabow, Jeff Samardzija, Justin Berg They blew a late lead against the Braves the other night, and we won't even mention the Opening Day meltdown ... Read More

The Theriot HATEWAGON is in full force already. So far on the season he has zero hits and a thousand dives for ground balls that are just out of his reach. Thus, the Theri-ot-Meter is born. I'll continue updating this for as long as it serves my purposes and doesn't make me look foolish. If he starts hitting ... Read More

Three games into the season, and the only guy in the starting lineup who doesn't have a hit is our leadoff "hitter." Do you hear those footsteps, Ryan Theriot? No, they're not Starlin Castro's. They're mine. I'm running down the hallway to the clubhouse to kick your ass. Your Roundup tips are always read and ... Read More

I had a long night on Tuesday night. Long enough to cause me to doze off during the Cubs-Braves game last night. It was a mercy doze. I was awake for long enough to hear Len Kasper say, "You want to be careful here," to John Grabow. Through half-closed eyes, I saw Chipper Jones hit a ... Read More

Say what you will about the Wrigley Field rooftops. Actually, don't. I don't want to hear it. They're overpriced, they're run by jerks, they offer a terrible view of the action, and I will, of course, be sitting in one come next Monday. It will not, however, be the newest one. The Ivy League Baseball ... Read More

This is going to be the year that Carlos Zambrano kills someone. The Year One (or whatever the hell people are calling it) version of Zambrano is a seething cauldron of rage. This is like a horror movie. When Zambrano was smashing Gatorade jugs, punching catchers, and ejecting umpires, at least you knew where he was and ... Read More

Somehow, we survived yet another offseason. As cynical as I manage to get about the Cubs every year, there's nothing quite like Opening Day. For this one day each year, I can't even hate Ryan Dempster. Mostly because he's not pitching. As I'm sure many of you will be, I'm skipping out of work early to ... Read More

Happy Easter weekend, jerks. It's a special religious holiday Fukudome tonight. Prepare to get hit by lightning. So, without further ado, let's get to the Fukudome. VS. God Jesus ... Read More

Another week, another bunch of comments. Many, many of them were excellent. So you should all give yourselves a hearty dugout clap. But there can be only one Comment of the Week! I believe we have a first-time winner this week. JayT posted this beauty in "The Best $162 I've Ever Spent" thread. So if the Cubs end ... Read More