I knew I played the wrong sport.

Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “Here Come the Hawks” Edition 1

Okay, everyone ignore baseball until the Blackhawks are done winning the Stanley Cup. That’s what I’m going to do. If you want to read about hockey, check out Hockee Night or Second City Hockey. If you want to read about baseball, you’re probably chained to a bedframe right now with your testicles wired to a car battery. Remember, the safe word is “gorilla.” Thanks, I guess, for your Roundup tips. The easiest way to submit them is by clicking here, but I’ll accept them in any two-dimensional form. Away we go.

  • In case you missed it, yesterday was the 27th anniversary of Lee Elia’s finest hour. (HT: level5) I assume listening to Lee’s rant is what eventually killed Mike Royko.
  • What is it about Cubs fans who insist on making themselves a “part” of the team? Just go to the damn game. You’re a grown man.
  • I guess you don’t have to give up on us winning the NL Central just yet.
  • Speaking of which, do you think the Royals have a shot to win the NL Central this year? (HT: John) Wait, what?
  • What do you expect? He’s a Sox fan.
  • Bud Selig finally solves the “problem” of no one caring about the All-Star Game. Let everyone in the league play in it. At least their families will care.
  • Adam Wainwright is annoying.
  • Yes, Seinfeld has had a ridiculous amount of success in his lifetime, but that’s because he’s a really, really excellent stand-up comedian. Can you believe he’s 56 now? Cherish him.
  • Some girls will do anything for their next meal. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
  • How much do you really know about The Goonies?
  • Toymakers are sick sons of bitches.
  • No one loves irony more than dogs.
  • If you’re here, you most likely suck at life. These instructions will help.
  • Tales of badassery from ordinary idiots JUST LIKE YOU.
  • Speaking of pushing the human body to the limit, here are some articles about pushing the human body to the limit.
  • Why am I never told about the GOOD holidays until it’s too late?
  • There’s not much time left for you insufferable Lost geeks to act insufferable. But there’s at least enough time to read this and discuss it in annoying fashion around the water cooler.
  • Wrong hole? Or RIGHT hole?
  • Here you go, nerds. Your wet (literally) dream come true.
  • Nietzsche Family Circus will blow your mind. (HT: Ryan)
  • Proof that not ALL Chucks hate Alfonso Soriano.
  • Is this what it feels like to go stark raving mad? (HT: Jeffrey)
  • TWEET OF THE WEEK: Since both Ozzie and Jose have gotten boring, everyone is fair game for Tweet of the Week now. At least, everyone we follow. This Tweet of the Week is prescient, and comes from our old pal Slaky. “Wind blowing out at 27 mph at Wrigley today – should be a good day for Lilly and Co. To give up a lot of runs.” Right you were, Slaky. Right you were.
  • NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: Well, nightmare fuel for Kermit, at least. For the rest of you, it’s probably comedy gold. Via Her Loyal Sons.
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Hyberbole and a Half. I like it. It has quirky stuff like this on it.

That’s it for me, jerks. I’m going to have a giant fan installed outside of Wrigley Field with the wind blowing straight in. I’d rather lose 2-0 than take the pounding we did yesterday.
-Sweet Uncle Lou

  • Moon

    I thought the safe word was “The Fook”