George Will was on Mully and Hanley this morning talking baseball. It sounded like he was wearing a bow tie, so I’ll just assume he was. Anyhow, baseball’s geekiest advocate was talking about divisional realignment, the Bears (why?), and baseball’s stupidest new idea. Since they can’t be bothered to win World Championships (2005: ALWAYS FORGET), the Cubs and Sox are going to square off each year for a big hunk of plastic. Yes, the BP Crosstown Rivalry Trophy is a tangible excuse for your White Sox friends (WHY do you have them?) to further obsess over the Cubs. Go ahead, Sox fans. Say you don’t. In rebuttal, I’ll post a “Go Cubs” status on my Facebook page, and one of you idiots will have responded with “Cubs suck!” within 30 minutes.

Anyhow, Will thankfully didn’t retell his “I grew up in Champaign, where it was half Cubs fans and half Cardinals fans, and I made the odious mistake of picking the Cubs” story. But he was prattling on about realigning the MLB’s divisions. He suggested that six divisions of five teams each with at least one interleague series taking place all year would be great. I have no issue with that plan. The AL West can have the Astros. I’ll even help pay for their flight.

I did have an issue when Will suggested that a division with the Cubs and the White Sox in it would be fun. No, it wouldn’t. There are three games at Wrigley Field you couldn’t pay me to attend every year. Scratch that. I’d go if you’d pay me. Or if I got a free ticket, or something. Or even if the ticket was reasonably-priced, I could get the day off, and I had readily-available transportation to the city.

Those three games are the Crosstown “Classic.” Those games suck.

They bring out the worst of Sox fans, the worst of Cubs fans, the worst of Chicago, the worst of baseball, the worst of humanity, and the worst of the known universe. Seemingly everyone in the park gets sloppy, punchy, fraternity drunk. If I wanted to surround myself with drunken idiots, I’d get a job in the Cardinal bullpen.

I can’t think of a worse idea than tripling the number of games Wrigley Field is invaded by our slow-witted brothers and sisters from the south. Except maybe adding a rivalry trophy to an already-hostile matchup. Or maybe wearing a bow tie every day of your life. Or moving Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen.

God damn, I miss the Twins already.