Oh, how typical. The second I switch allegiances to the Twins, good things start happening to the Cubs. They go up to Milwaukee and absolutely annihilate the Brewers. Plus, a drunken Chad plummets to his near-death while trying to catch a batting practice foul ball, the rarest of rare foul balls. (HT: Grow Stubs Grow and A-Ram Baller). Meanwhile, the Twins couldn’t finish off a three-game sweep of the Kansas City Royals, despite rallying for a run off Joakim Soria on Sunday afternoon and leaving the tying run on second base.

Moreover, since the launch of the Theri-ot-Meter, the little shit is hitting .382, with a .432 OBP and even a .456 SLG. He has nine RBIs in that span, and has even been intentionally walked twice. Incidentally, whoever sponsor’s Theriot’s Baseball-Reference page calls himself “The Therible Truth” and has the motto, “The longest streak of starts by a Cub without an extra-base hit since 1992 (Joe Girardi) and the seventh-longest streak since 1920. I hear Milton Bradley is to blame.” It was 34 games. That’s outstanding, and I would like to buy you a beer, anonymous B-R sponsor.

Anyhow, I can’t do this to the Twins. I can’t bring their season down by rooting primarily for them, so I’m back on the Cubs. Watch for Alfonso Soriano’s legs to explode and Geovany Soto to have a hankering for some Twinkies in the coming week. God help us all.