Ahoy, there, Cubs fans! I hear a fair number of you are considering jumping ship after your manager inexplicably moved one of his best starters to the bullpen. Well, far be it from me to try to sway you one way or another, but up here in Minnesota, we have a new ballpark, one of the most exciting young players in the game, and we hate the White Sox even more than you do! Lou forwarded me all of your tips from last week. He’s busy trying to figure out a way to get Micah Hoffpauir 300 of Derrek Lee’s at-bats. Lou told you to send new tips here.

That’s it for me, folks. Maybe you should all take a few days off from watching Cubs baseball. We’ll be playing good, fundamental American League baseball in Kansas City this weekend. Won’t you join us?
-Uncle Gardy