Everyone’s crying about the length of games, from Joe West to Bud Selig. Not me. I wish the MLB had longer commercial breaks and mound visits. That way, I wouldn’t have to come running out to argue a call in mid-piss. Oh, well. I got a lot of great tips this week. Keep them coming.

  • Maybe if you assholes would have stocked more brownies, you wouldn’t have lost your business. Now with bonus picture of a fat idiot wearing a Theriot jersey!
  • You MONSTERS!
  • Bad grammar bugs me, Alot!
  • I guess I never considered whose sperm to use.
  • OMFG! HJE is fking famous!
  • I don’t see what the big deal is. I’ve been watching the bullpen shit all over the field for nearly two weeks.
  • Real stories of Illinois Poison Control. My favorite? “An adult woman called because a battery leaked out of her personal massager and she was concerned about battery acid burns.” Mmm hmm. “Personal massager.” On a normal week, some of this stuff might qualify as nightmare fuel. But just fucking WAIT until you get to the actual nightmare fuel this week.
  • Hey, two Cubs and a one-time Cub made the All-Star team! The Tommy John All-Star Team.
  • This is really only gross if she was wearing a Konerko jersey. (HT: John)
  • This New York subway will never be given up or deserted. (HT: John)
  • Are you fully over your Kevin Millar hate yet? Well, we can’t have that, can we?
  • Original scent? (NSFW, most likely for the entire site; and most assuredly for the gallery (I understand the product, but WHY IS SHE ON THE TOILET?)) I wonder who they got to make their “cinnamon” and “pine” scents. Seriously, though, there’s a new line coming out called “Eighteen.” (HT: EnricoPallazzo)




  • AJ Pierzynski should be drawn and quartered. (HT: level5)
  • Chan Ho Park has explosive diarrhea. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
  • ORLY, Mariners? (HT: Michael)
  • Heh heh. Penis. (HT: Jeffrey)
  • Serious, maybe. But is it SIGNIFICANT? (HT: Slaky)
  • If you think this is bad, you should hear about their idea for a mullet tax cut. (HT: EnricoPallazzo)
  • How well do you know your ’90s sitcom theme songs? (HT: Ned Ryerson)
  • Revenge of the Pixels! (HT: Pre)

    PIXELS by PATRICK JEAN.
    Uploaded by onemoreprod. – Independent web videos.
  • Once you start this Tarantino-Coen Brothers mashup, you won’t want to stop it. (NSFW. It’s a Tarantino-Coen Brothers mashup, idiot)
  • OZZIE’S TWEET OF THE WEEK: “Nine still great love the foot” TRANSLATION: “Paul Bako is still an excellent ballplayer, and I have a foot fetish.”
  • NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: What in the name of your loving God is wrong with some parents?
  • FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Chat Roulette Trolling. It can be NSFW at times.

That’s all for me, kidderinos. Have whatever kind of weekend you want to have. I’m not your fucking mother.
-Sweet Uncle Lou