I had a long night on Tuesday night. Long enough to cause me to doze off during the Cubs-Braves game last night. It was a mercy doze. I was awake for long enough to hear Len Kasper say, “You want to be careful here,” to John Grabow. Through half-closed eyes, I saw Chipper Jones hit a baseball what appeared to be approximately 600 feet to give the Braves a 3-2 lead. I dozed off and only woke up long enough to watch Billy Wagner make some Cubs look stupid, and then shake hands with some of his teammates. I assume the game was over at that point.
Incidentally, why the hell was I forced to watch the Cubs on CSN+, after having to watch them on WCIU Monday? The Cubs couldn’t find a better place to stick their Opening Day game than between a Moesha rerun and Tyler Perry’s How Is It Possible that I Still Exist?
No matter. I guess I should stop burying the lede, huh? Our good friend PAUL SULLIVAN reported yesterday that this year, you’re going to be paying good money to watch this amazing Cubs bullpen. In fact, you’re going to be paying more money than the fans of any other team in baseball. That includes the brand-new-ballparked 2000 and 2009 World Champion New York Yankees, the 2007 and 2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox, and the 2005 (no, seriously) World Champion Chicago White Sox. Also, the 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies, the 2006 World Champion St. Louis Cardinals, the 2003 World Champion Florida Marlins, the 2002 World Champion Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, and the 2001 World Champion Arizona Diamondbacks. The Yankees have SIXTEEN-HUNDRED-DOLLAR TICKETS in their park, yet the Cubs managed to out-average them. The Yankees also have bathrooms that don’t stink of urine, seats that don’t stink of Woo-Woo, and players that don’t stink of Theriot.
Oh, and the Cubs’ 10% increase in ticket prices was second only to the Minnesota Twins, whose boost only came because they moved from a car show venue to an actual, honest-to-goodness ballpark.
It’s two games into the season, and I’m angrier than a Cubs fan in July.
