Sweet Uncle Lou's Friday Roundup: The "Let's Blame Chicago" Edition

I would have liked to have had the Roundup done earlier, and I wish I would have made it funnier, but was up all night responding to the hate mail I get from stupid CHICAGO. Thank you, as always, for your tips from around the interweb. Your best bet is to deliver them here. Lord knows if you try to send them by mail, they’ll just get lost in the terrible mail system of CHICAGO. Let’s round up.

Joe Posnanski jumps on the “Hire _______” bandwagon. Welcome aboard, Joe!
I don’t know what a “Lost Boy” is, and I don’t care. Frankly, it sounds pretty light in the loafers. But this is the best eulogy I’ve read in years.
After all those years of blowing into Nintendo cartridges, this seems like the logical next step.
The average worker reads HJE every Friday. Nah, I’m just screwing with you. Most of you can’t read.
The Little Black Blog of Big Red Flags (HT: morpheus) is often just depressing, but as a former Yankee, I did enjoy seeing that some rivalries trump even drunk monkey sex.
Now, you can get your fat, frigid wife to be skinny and horny with one simple move. FEED HER WINE!
Other than the guy who wrote this article, am I the only one who had no idea that dogs’ and cats’ tongues curl down when they drink water?
And a new nickname for Matt Sinatro is born.
How bad must the guys who LOST on the Dating Game have been?
It’s good to see that someone finally came up for a use for Chat Roulette other than flashing your dick at a bunch of other dudes.
You can just go ahead and expunge EVERY line from Anchorman as far as I’m concerned. Or anything Will Ferrell says, in general.
Want an iPod Touch for $51? Be as clever as this guy.
More literal music videos. At least watch “Anything for Love” and see if you can guess in the comments what line had me shooting bourbon out of my nose.
…and you braked with a Big Mac box.
If this doesn’t give you faith in the inherent goodness of humanity, you’re probably Milton Bradley. In which case, YES, we ARE all out to get you.
Popular Science seems like an oxymoron to me, but I’m sure you geeks will love this.
Video cameras are the worst thing to happen to society since my wife found that hidden video camera in our bedroom. (HT: Tom Trebelhorn)
Baby, you make me wish I had FOUR hands! (HT: morpheus)
Or at least a rain poncho. (HT: Ned Ryerson)
OZZIE’S TWEET OF THE WEEK: “Ozzie Guillen is crazy … crazy good: http://soc.li/s2sflAV” No, you were right the first time. (The link is to ESPN’s main page, for some reason)
NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: GIANT SEA SCORPIONS!
FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Autocomplete Me. I’ll give you one guess which site comes up when you autocomplete the third one from the bottom.