Well, you can tell it’s almost spring. Guzman is already hurt, I’ve already mistaken Theriot for the batboy, and Dempster and Millar are already annoying the shit out of me. I guess it’s nice to be back, but if they change this clown suits we have to wear in the spring one more time, so help me God, I’ll- Whaddya mean, “You don’t have to coach next year”? Anyhow, tips are always appreciated, and they can be sent along with 10 box tops and a check or money order for $4.99 HERE. Let’s round up.

• If you missed Tom Ricketts’ State of the Team address, fortunately for you, Dolan got the transcript.
• I really need to stop drinking at 10:00 a.m.
• I want my $20 back, Dolis.
• Was Harold Baines only seven hits a year shy of being a Hall of Famer? That’s basically a hit a month of the course of his career. Ouch.
• A surprisingly small amount of our payroll was lost to injury from 2002-2009. Basically, we just sucked.
• McGWIRE BROTHER TELLING TRUTH MAKE McGWIRE CRY HUMAN TEARS!
• Kyle Farnsworth is a big, stupid idiot. But his Spring Training story really is pretty cool.
• I’ll miss you, Boner. What? Who died?
• J.D. Salinger had terrible taste in movies.
• Killer whale does…well, pretty much exactly what you’d expect it to do.
• I don’t know what a Jersey Shore is, and I don’t care. But I laughed at this new internet meme, so go look at it.
• I can’t wait until Millar and Dempster short-sheet my bed. So then I can kill them both.
• This game should waste the rest of your Friday.
• Heck, maybe playing that game all day will actually HELP your productivity.
• I’m gonna need a bigger house.
• No, you’d definitely know him. He was that guy in Robocop.
• These coincidences will blow your mind. Nope, just your mind.
• Are you guys sick of shoveling snow yet?
• That’s some friend!
• OZZIE’S TWEET OF THE WEEK: “Dr drew I like you work very very patient guy I wish I have that abilities u have.”
• NIGHTMARE FUEL OF THE WEEK: I guess this is nightmare fuel if you’re a sissy. Mental Floss turned me on to Igor Siwanowicz, a photographer who took some awesome close-ups of some arguably unattractive animals. No, not Quade.
• FEED READ OF THE WEEK: Babies With Laser Eyes. It is what it says it is.

Have a good weekend, lads and lasses. By the next time you’ll see me, we’ll have actually played an honest-to-God game of baseball.

-Sweet Uncle Lou