I apologize for the tardiness of the Muskbox. I was under the weather yesterday and reading this week’s Muskbox could have only made matters worse. Why? Well, because it spends a significant amount of time fretting about the hurt feelings of Ryan Theriot. And that’s- That’s- Excuse me.

/runs to bathroom

With Ryan Theriot having gone to arbitration, will this affect how he plays in the 2010 season and his future with the Cubs with talk of Starlin Castro taking over at shortstop?
– Jason A., Lansing, Ill.

What sort of immature spaz would actually allow the threat of a young prospect and a disagreement over contract value to affect his play? Maybe the sort that drives around in an INVISIBLE RACECAR!





Or, perhaps, the sort that thinks it’s completely normal to ask a beat writer to play soothsayer about the future of a munchkin.

CARRIE: The decision shouldn’t have any effect on how Theriot plays. Theriot has said he’s eager to put the hearing behind him and focus on the season. He didn’t seem bothered by the arbitrator’s decision and even though he lost, he will still receive a pretty significant raise from the $500,000 he got in 2009 to $2.6 million.

When asked about the significance of the raise, Theriot held up eight fingers and yelled, “I GET THIS MANY MORE DOLLARS!”

CARRIE: As for Castro, he’s expected to open the season in the Minor Leagues. The reason he’s included in big league camp is so Lou Piniella and the staff can get a better feel for the 19-year-old shortstop.

CARRIE: Theriot has heard all the talk about Castro, too.

Because he has Spy Gear. HE KNOWS.

CARRIE: “As it is now, I am the shortstop and I have been for three years,” Theriot said. “I feel I’ve done a good job and he’s going to have to come get it.”

“And when he does, I’m going to take my ball and go home, and then NO ONE will be able to play shortstop!”

Now that the Cubs have completed the arbitration hearing with Theriot, I was wondering what the Cubs’ payroll is going into the season. How does that compare to other teams and how does that compare to years past?
– Justin J., Greendale, Wis.

George Lucas is worth more than $3.5 billion. Worth does not quality make.

CARRIE: With the addition of Theriot’s salary, the Cubs’ payroll is slightly over $140 million, which would be the highest in franchise history. Last year, the club’s payroll was $134,809,000, which ranked third highest in baseball behind the New York Yankees ($201 million-plus) and New York Mets ($136 million). The 2010 team rankings won’t be official until the 25-man rosters are set.

…which is why every single person in the Mets’ front office and the Cubs’ front office was fired in the offseason. What’s that? They weren’t? Well, that just seems like those franchises are stupid, then. What’s that? They are?

I read the article that said since Kosuke Fukudome will be playing right field all the time, that it would help him at the plate, but the article didn’t explain why. Can you elaborate?

Right field is by far the easiest position to play at Wrigley. Therefore, Kosuke will be able to focus all of his energy on hitting.

Also, will Fukudome take hitting instruction from his Japanese hitting coach or from Rudy Jaramillo?
– Wade T., Flora, Miss.

Neither. He’ll take them from these people.

CARRIE: Imagine if you reported to work today…

You lost me already.

CARRIE: …and someone told you that your duties had changed — not significantly, but they had changed.

“Carrie, instead of picking a bunch of terrible questions and providing non-answers to them, we want you to pick GOOD questions, research them, ask the team about them, and provide informative answers.”

CARRIE: Dealing with the new assignment plus still getting acclimated to the U.S. was a lot for Fukudome.

In 2008.

CARRIE: Think about how many near collisions there were in the gaps as Fukudome tried to handle center.

“Mine!” is the most difficult English phrase to learn, followed by, “Oh, shit! Get out of the way!”

CARRIE: Right field at Wrigley is one of the toughest to play, and he handled that extremely well. Talking to Fukudome so far this spring, he seems more relaxed.

I would greatly enjoy watching a conversation between Carrie, Fukudome, and a translator.

CARRIE: The fans want to know if your blue shoes are the cause of your problems at the plate.

TRANSLATOR: (In Japanese) She just asked if your shoes are distracting you at the plate.

FUKUDOME: (death stare) …

TRANSLATOR: (In Japanese) Seriously, she did.

FUKUDOME: (In Japanese) Tell her I’ve never been around more ridiculous people than Cubs fans, and I’m from Japan.





TRANSLATOR: (In English) He says that he hopes to blog about this season, and will discuss what it’s like to wear blue shoes every day.

FUKUDOME: (death stare) …

TRANSLATOR: (In English) And that he wishes you would go talk to Ryan Theriot about what hair products he uses.

FUKUDOME: (In Japanese) You’re fired.

CARRIE: He’d like to bat .300 this year, and that’s a good goal to have.

So is batting 1.000.

CARRIE: His Japanese hitting coach will be here this spring but he is willing to work with Jaramillo.

Why would Fukudome’s hitting coach work on Jaramillo’s swing- Oh, I get it.

I saw Ted Lilly’s statement about Jaramillo getting him “locked in at the plate.” That made me wonder, since Rudy has never had pitchers hit in the American League, will he work with them now or leave that to Larry Rothschild?
– Harrison N., Indianapolis

As a follow-up question, since Jim Hendry has never learned portion control, is he going to do that now, or is he going to leave that to Carlos Silva?

CARRIE: Actually, Jaramillo has worked with pitchers, both in Houston and with the Rangers who had to hit in Interleague games played in National League ballparks. “I like working with pitchers,” Jaramillo said.

Great quote.

But you forgot the ending. “…because expectations are so low. I mean, seriously. I was a hitting coach in one of the best hitters’ parks in the MLB. I can’t be expected to make Mike Fontenot not suck.”

I thought Jeff Stevens pitched pretty good in the time he was up in the Majors last year. Any chance he makes the team out of Spring Training?
– Tyler W., Louisville, Neb.

WELL. He pitched pretty WELL. The Muskbox is not a place for such savagery.

CARRIE: Sure, Stevens is in the mix. Sorting out who’s in the bullpen will be key this spring. The Cubs are looking for a right-handed setup pitcher…

What that is, is hard to define.

CARRIE: …and Stevens joins Esmailin Caridad, Angel Guzman, Justin Berg, Jeff Gray, Rafael Dolis and Mike Parisi as candidates. It’s a little early to put odds on any of them.

But if you WERE going to put odds on any of them, you’d probably put the best odds on Angel Guzman, who was arguably the best reliever on the team last year, and who keeps inexplicably getting demoted in everyone’s minds.

Have you heard much regarding Rule 5 Draft pick Michael Parisi’s chances of actually sticking with the club and contributing?

Short answer? Of course she hasn’t.

Last year, it seemed as if Lou had his hands tied with David Patton. Also, can Patton be sent down to the Minors this year without offering him back?
– Steve B., Marion, Iowa

Unfortunately, yes.

CARRIE: Parisi’s situation is different than Patton’s. Parisi actually has pitched in the big leagues, appearing in 12 games in 2008 with the St. Louis Cardinals. Patton had not pitched above Class A when he was selected in the Rule 5 Draft.

And you could hardly even tell!

CARRIE: And yes, Patton can be sent down to the Minors now and stay with the Cubs.

Can he be sent down to the minors and stay with the Cardinals instead?